


Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind

by Foxyhunter99



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Author may have played a lot of Candy Crush to get through it herself, Author offers no financial or other compensation for the reader if you choose to watch it, Don't worry I hate me too, F/M, In fact I don't recommend it, Love is Blind AU, You don't have to watch "Love is Blind" to read this, ship and let ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24792772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxyhunter99/pseuds/Foxyhunter99
Summary: The Lannister brothers and the Stark sisters have been cast on the latest season of Westflix’s “Love is Blind” last minute as favors to the producers.  Sansa and Jaime are both recovering from abusive relationships and Arya’s life is in turmoil but all three are willing to put themselves out there.  On the other side Tyrion, after a lifetime of rejection due to his appearance, is out to prove the concept completely false.  Who will find love?  Can love actually be found before you see a person in the flesh?  Find out on “Love is Blind”  Westeros edition.
Relationships: It's a dating show AU people expect a lot of ships, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Not all will end well because again this is a cheesy dating show AU, Tyrion Lannister/Sansa Stark
Comments: 268
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was very much inspired by cytara's "Deep Fried Drinks" in the Braime tag enough to force myself to watch "Love is Blind" and start writing this fic. I had some other Sanrion stories in my head, but this won out because I needed a break from canon and there will be lots and lots of dialogue which I enjoy writing above all else.

“I want that twelve hours of my life back. Wait, screw that, as your lawyer I’m charging you my hourly rate with an extra few hundred dollars for my pain and suffering!” Tyrion complained to his brother after being strong-armed into watching a terrible reality dating show called “Love is Blind” on Westflix.

“It wasn’t really that bad…” Jaime said optimistically with a broad grin on his annoyingly handsome face that somehow still looked good on video chat.

“Jaime…” Tyrion said rolling his eyes towards the phone that was propped up by one of several empty wine bottles. Wine was the only thing that helped him through watching this drabble. He took a swig of wine and some dribbled down on his vintage Night King and the White Walkers t-shirt. Decorum required finely tailored suits for his job as a high profile corporate attorney, but all he could bear to put on out of the office was ripped jeans or sweatpants and one of dozens of band or pop-culture shirts. “The premise is just preposterous.” he said gesturing wildly and spilling more wine. He was drunk, very drunk, in fact he probably hadn’t been this far gone since Shae drained his bank account and ran off with her plastic surgeon. “I mean really, I like the concept, as unrealistic as it is, of getting to know somebody without looks being an issue. We all can’t be an ad in GQ like you Jaime.” he complained. “But they date for like what two weeks in those weird pod things….”

“Two very intense weeks.” Jaime interjected. “Where they form deep personal bonds.”

“Sure, whatever.” Tyrion hiccuped. “And then if you truly fancy yourself in love, you get engaged sight unseen. Let me repeat that  _ sight unseen _ .”

“Hence, the name ‘Love is Blind’” Jaime quipped with an eye roll.

“Which leads us to a big dramatic moment when the two lovebirds see each other for the first time and ta-da” he said with a flourish spilling more wine “love truly is blind because, EVERY FUCKING PERSON IS HOT! Tell me HOW THE FUCK is every contestant ready for a photo shoot! Do they breed these people in captivity for reality shows?? Or grow them in tanks?” He paused and gulped his wine staring wide eyed at the video screen. “Oh my God, they’re Pod People. Pod people put in pods for our viewing pleasure.”

“How wasted are you?” his elder brother laughed, while pulling a swig from his own bottle of beer.

“Not wasted enough. And then after the engagement they go on a weird sex trip to the Summer Isles.”

“You mean a lovely getaway for the newly engaged couple.” Jaime guffawed.

“I stand by my words.” Tyrion said. “Although true, not all of them fucked right away which was a total sign, just sayin’, that this hypothesis is groundless. Please note the couples that didn’t jump each other in the first few days did not end up together at the end.” Tyrion looked at the table and was glad to see that one of the several bottles of wine still had liquid in it and poured the rest in his glass. “Anyway after the sex trip, they move them next door to each other in lovely Casa de generic reality show apartments, which is totally fucking weird because they all dated each other, am I right?”

“Which they showed in the awkwardness between a few of the couples.”

“Because multiple girls were fighting over that douchey dude/bro...Larry or Gary??”

“Harry”

“So anyway after being forced to move in with a person you literally met three weeks ago, you now have to introduce them to your family and plan a wedding? Or whatever passes for it. Was that even real or did I hallucinate that part where you walked down the aisle and looked that person dead in the eye and say ‘No thanks I pass. Bye-eeee’” Tyrion said waving drunkenly at the phone.

Laughing hysterically at this point Jaime said “No that was real! Some of those endings were brutal.” He paused and then looked meaningfully at Tyrion. “I must say your version of the show was far, far more entertaining than the synopsis I got from Varys.”

“Varys?” A chill ran up Tyrion’s spine at the sound of their old friend’s name.

“Varys took umbrage with some of the same points you made, most notably the ‘Pod people’ as you called them. He’s partnered up to co-produce the next season with some greasy reality show producer named Baelish and is making a few changes which is why I insisted to your displeasure you watch it this weekend.”

“I didn’t know that Varys had gotten himself involved with Westflix.” Tyrion said as a bead of sweat trickled down his back.

“As you know little brother, Varys has gotten himself involved in most everything in Westeros.” Jaime said meaningfully.

Tyrion was quiet for a good time as thoughts ricocheted around his wine soaked brain. He stared at his brother imploringly hoping to be wrong. “He’s calling in his favor isn’t he.”

Jaime leaned back on his own couch and Tyrion could see a few bottles of Highgarden beer littering the table beside him. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one coping by drinking. “For both of us. ” Jaime muttered. “The show starts filming in one week and the Westflix bigwigs want another team of females and males to round out the dating pool to sixteen men and women.”

“Teams?”

“The other element besides having a more ‘diverse’ group of people is that you come with a same sex friend or family member. Because who wants to watch strangers fight over a douchey guy when you could have friends or better yet sisters do it.”

“I think we could top that if we throw down. Who wouldn't want to watch a dwarf fight a one handed man? I’d even buy a ticket for that.” Tyrion said with amusement.

“That bald motherfucker is rather brilliant I must say.” Jaime admitted. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I think it might be time to date again.”

“More like the first time for you. Our dearest cousin has been fucking you and fucking with you since the cradle.” Tyrion joked but knew by his brother’s dark look he had gone too far.

“Tyrion…” Jaime said in warning.

“Sorry brother, I’m just so glad you're free of her.” Jaime once compared his love for Cersei like a venom that needed to be drawn out. Tyrion thought her more like a cancer that was in remission, but there was always a danger of his brother falling prey to her again.

“What about you?” Jaime asked. “Shae’s been gone a year now, time to get back into the game yourself.”

Tyrion sighed, he hated to admit how raw he still felt from Shae’s betrayal but honestly it was just another chapter in a lengthy book of rejections for him starting from birth. He closed his eyes, wishing foolishly for only a moment that love could truly be blind and a woman would see him for the man beyond his stunted limbs. But alas, it was a lie. Any woman he fell for would grimace politely and give him a pity kiss on the cheek when they finally saw each other for the first time and the thought made him ill.

“Or…” he said wickedly.

“Or?” Jaime asked

“Or I could show what a load of bullshit the whole show is by becoming douchebag Jerry”

“Harry.” Jaime corrected him yet again.

“And everyone in Westeros, sees a bunch of women fight over a dwarf.”

“A charming dwarf.”

“And just when they think I’m going to propose, I’ll drop the A-bomb and we’ll see how far they back peddle or better yet I’ll just show myself at the magical little reveal and let nature take its course to prove what a farce this show is.” Tyrion said bitterly

“Well that’s one way to do it. We couldn’t have you give something an honest chance could we?” Jaime said sarcastically. “Varys only cares about ratings and I’m pretty sure he’s counting on you to be a wild card anyway.” He paused, blowing a low tone into his empty beer bottle before looking up sharply. “What do you mean by A bomb?”

“Acondroplasia.” Tyrion said mimicking a mike drop before hanging up with his brother and promptly passing out.

* * *

  
  
  
“Sansa sweetie how are you?” Catelyn Stark's voice rang out over the phone.

“School ended yesterday Mom. I cleaned out my classroom this afternoon and turned in final grades. Tomorrow I plan on picking up some painting supplies and tackling my bedroom.” Sansa said excitedly. She had purchased a small home for herself and her husky, Lady, this spring but had been too caught up in the school year to get more than the basic home improvement processes started. But now she had all summer for home renovation and couldn’t wait to get started.

“That’s great! I would love to see some pictures when you're done.” Catelyn said.

“How are things at home?”

“Oh fine…” her mother responded evasively.

“What’s going on?” Sansa said, feeling a headache coming on. She loved her mother and her family but had an overwhelming feeling she was not going to like the direction this conversation was taking.

“Well Bran’s application for KLU got lost somewhere and didn’t get in on time, so now he might not be able to go there. He’s just crushed.” Her younger brother Bran had just graduated from high school at the top of his class and had always dreamed of going to the exclusive King’s Landing University.

“Oh no! Poor Bran! Wait, didn’t Uncle Petyr go there? Maybe he could help?”

“I already talked to Petyr. He said he had some friends in the admission office and might be able to call in a few favors.”

“Well, good. Problem solved.” Finally, her slimy Uncle was good for something. Petyr Baelish was a childhood friend of her mother and aunt and had been an annoying presence in their lives since her father passed. He had married their Aunt Lysa a few years ago, largely for her late husband’s vast estate although Sansa suspected he carried a rather large torch for her mother.

“He did ask for a favor in return.”

“Of course he did.” Sansa groaned knowing this was the real reason her mother had called.

“Really Sansa, it’s nothing terrible. Do you remember that darling little dating show he had on Westflix?”

“Love is Blind?” The reality show had been all the buzz for a few weeks when it premiered a few months ago. She had of course watched it, if only to be in the know with her teenage students, as well as familial obligation.

“Yes that one. Petyr wants you and Arya to be on the next season! They want the men and women to come in pairs. Isn’t that exciting!”

“No, Mom. It’s awful. I can’t think of something I want to do less.”

“Sansa, really. It’s not like you're seeing anybody anyway.” Sansa face-palmed herself in disbelief. She had spent the last year rebuilding her life after a horribly abusive relationship. Her therapist had told her a few months ago that she would know when she felt ready to date and Sansa still wasn’t sure. Guess there's nothing like being thrown into the deep end.

“Poor Petyr is really in a bind. The Westflix executives insist on another set of men and women before filming starts next week and he and his partner are scrambling. Please Sansa, could you do this?” her mother guilted her. Of course she’d do it for Bran. He hadn’t exactly had an easy life since the car accident that killed their father and put him in a wheelchair.

“Ugh, I’ll do it for Bran but only if you can get Arya to do it.” Sansa said confidently, knowing Arya would never agree to it.

“Fantastic! Arya already said yes. I’ll call Petyr and let him know.” Sansa practically dropped the phone in surprise before quickly sending her sister a one word text.  _ TRAITOR. _

“Tell Bran he owes me big.” Sansa replied as dread clawed at her throat at the idea of putting herself out there again and with an audience no less.

“Oh Sansa, what's the worst that can happen? You find a husband? I was married with two kids when I was your age.” Her mother chided. For all that Sansa looked like a younger version of her mother, she sometimes wondered that they were related.

“I”m only 25 Mom. I’m not an old spinster.” Her phone buzzed with a response from Arya.  _ Call me when you’re off the phone with Mom. _

Sansa ended the conversation with her mother, her peaceful summer of painting her bungalow soon forgotten. Arya answered her video chat on the first ring and Sansa just gave her the stink eye for a few moments.

“Before you say anything, Robb has already agreed to drive down and pick up Lady and Nymeria to dog-sit them at his place while we’re gone.” Arya said, already trying to placate her sister.

“What about your job?” Sansa questioned. Arya was a personal trainer and also competed in kickboxing competitions. “Can your boss spare you for that long?”

“I no longer work for Clegane Fitness.” Arya said defensively.

“What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Arya said in a stubborn tone that Sansa knew meant the subject was closed.

“But why did you agree to do this, I mean other than Bran?” Sansa asked, perplexed.

“Isn’t our brother enough reason?” Arya replied.

“Normally, but a reality dating show….” Sansa rolled her eyes. “It’s just so not  _ you.” _

“I know….and maybe that’s the point.” Arya sighed, blowing her bangs off of her forehead. “I just needed a change, something to shake up the status quo. On top of being unemployed, I also got rejected by a man I had a huge crush on. And well it just sucks you know.” she smile sheepishly and Sansa could tell it pained her to admit her vulnerability even to her sister

“Seriously? What guy would turn you down?” 

“Well, we all can’t be you Sansa.” Arya said jokingly but Sansa heard some old hurt come through. They had fought like cats and dogs throughout childhood and high school with the only reprieve being Sansa’s departure to college. They truly couldn’t be more opposite--the statuesque Homecoming Queen and yearbook editor versus the miniscule fireball who was the captain of their schools championship soccer team while earning her black belt in jiu-jitsu. It had taken the death of their father to sweep all that to the side in an instant and they were closer now than they’d ever been.

“You don’t want to be me Arya. I only attract losers and assholes.” she sighed. “Or maybe that’s just what I’m attracted to.”

“Maybe this is a good chance for you to figure out what you’re really attracted to besides physical appearance even if you don’t meet ‘the one.’ Think of it as practice if nothing else. I know you Sansa, and you want to be a wife and mother more than anything and you never will be if you spend your days with kids and your nights with a dog. As for me I’m glad to try truly blind dating because even though we have never been interested in the same sort of men, I will be thrilled to not immediately be compared to my intelligent, driven, model-esque sister.” Arya said, trying to soften her words with a compliment.

“Arya, you know you are all of those things too...just in a tiny package!” Sansa laughed. “At least you’ve never had to worry if your date was insecure because you were taller than them or had them tell you to wear flats.”

“I’d like to see them try. I’m not going to change who I am because of their fragile male ego.”

“And that Arya,” Sansa said resignedly “is how I wish I was more like you. You’ve always known who you are and have never apologized for it. I admire you for that more than I can say.”

They both smiled at each other and laughed as they both started to sniffle with tears over their sudden outburst of emotion.

“So do you think the Stark sisters are ready to find out if ‘Love is Blind?’” Sansa said in a cheesy game show host voice.

“Oh I already know the answer to that. It’s not blind, it in fact lets us see each other more clearly.” Arya said as melancholy laced her words.

Sansa’s eyebrows arched as she got a rare glimpse beneath the surface of how deeply the upheaval in Arya’s life was getting to her. If nothing else happened in the next few weeks, she hoped she could help her sister sort through it. But there was a very small part of her, a part that even Ramsey could not take from her, that still believed in romance and happy endings and of Prince Charmings and maidens fair, that hoped there was someone out there for her. And if she was lucky, he might be on the other side of a wall waiting to hear her voice too.

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that in order to cast this show I had to play fast and loose with canon relationships and ages (the perks of an extremely AU fic.) So in less I specifically spell out that people are related, they're not in this story.

Tyrion shifted uneasily on the couch next to his brother as the sixteen men gathered with the staff and producers of “Love is Blind” before the start of filming in the men’s common room. He was glad from what he could see that Varys had really taken the ‘diverse’ nature into mind and that the percentage of Pod people was greatly reduced. There were of course a few men that rivaled his brother in looks, but most were average looking and they ranged in age from early twenties to early forties. He and his brother were the only ones with any sort of disability, but he doubted any of the men noticed Jaime's false hand as soon as they spotted the dwarf sitting beside him. It was a scene that replayed time and time again in his life, the looking but trying not to look, of a group of strangers. He was happy he wore one of his best suits. Wearing it felt like armor, although his weapons were words and wit and his battlefield was the boardroom.

Varys entered the room with a slim rat-faced man with a pointy beard who must be his co-producer Petyr Baelish. Like a King to his subjects, he clapped his hand and brought them all to attention.

“Welcome friends! We are all excited to have you and while we all can’t wait for you to dive in and meet the ladies.” He was interrupted by a crass frat boy howl by one man, a tall, husky ginger who didn’t show the slightest hint of embarrassment when all the other men stared at him ruefully.

“For fuck’s sake.” muttered Jaime who had been in a foul mood for some reason since they arrived. “Some men just need to be punched in the mouth.” 

Varys continued after leveling some serious side eye at the offender “As I was saying, before you meet the ladies, I just want to reiterate some of the Codes of Conduct or as I prefer to call them ‘Rules of Play’ in the contract you all read and signed.” Tyrion seriously doubted anybody but him completely read and dissected the hundred page contract and non-disclosure agreement as he had unless they were smart enough to hire a lawyer. But then again, he was trying to figure out how to fuck with the system too.

“The first and most important rule involves keeping the purity of the experiment intact.” Varys intoned and as Tyrion observed all the cameras he felt more and more like a lab rat being observed. “You can describe yourself as much or as little if you want if that is your wish. You may also ask your dates to describe themselves, although it does rather defeat the purpose of the experiment in my opinion. But you cannot under any circumstances describe any of your fellow cast. It is up to each individual to determine if and when they want their dates to have that information.” He paused. “Now that is just a physical description, you are allowed to either talk up or talk down your cast mates and can use your partner as a wingman.”

Jaime interrupted, “So to clarify, for instance” jestering at the aging frat boy “I can describe our friend over there as a blow-hard, but not a  _ ginger _ blow-hard.”

The man blustered and started to stand up but his rather bland and lumpy looking partner pulled him back down.

“Making friends already?” Tyrion whispered, wondering what the hell was wrong with his brother. He had seemed fine last night on the phone, but had been a royal pain in the ass ever since he picked up Tyrion that morning.

“Now, now, I’m sure our friend, Jaime is it?” asked Baelish, “is just joking Ronnett.”

“Of course man,” Jaime said with an easy and insincere smile, “isn’t that what a bunch of bros are supposed to do when we all live together?”

The man continued to glare at Jaime, but didn’t try to get up again. Varys turned his disapproving gaze to Jaime, “Your example was correct if a bit colorful. And this brings me to the second most important rule. Any physical violence will not be tolerated and will lead to an immediate ejection of the perpetrators. Keep in mind everything is being filmed at all times with the exception of your sleeping quarters” (a generous term for the cramped bare-boned trailers they shared with their team mate) “but even those have been miked.”

“Now Varys and I will step back to commence filming and we will bring out our new hosts!” Petyr said with a smile. Apparently this show was now even below the former hosts, an aging pop-star and his model wife, to be on anymore thought Tyrion.

All of the men were miked up, and were instructed to look at the door their hosts would emerge from. Bored already and annoyed with his grumpy brother, Tyrion glanced at the kitchen area and was pleased to see a large selection of alcohol and wondered when they could start drinking. After a moment of unnecessary ‘anticipation’ the door opened and in walked none other than last season's chief douchebag, Harrold Hardyng, and Myranda “you can call me Randy” Royce-Hardyng, his wife. In the reunion show it had been evident that the former cocktail waitress had some work done, but it looked like she had prepped for her career as a reality star by getting, in Tyrion’s opinion, an over-the-top breast enlargement which she readily enhanced in a barely there dress.

Tyrion proceeded to zone out while the reality stars droned on about the show set-up to the men but more for the viewing audience at home. Jaime had to poke him a few times to pay attention and Tyrion finally snapped out of it when it was time to introduce the other cast members.

The first team was Jaime’s new friend Ronnett and his friend and college fraternity brother (surprise surprise) Hyle. They were both a little soft around the middle and reminded Tyrion a lot of some of his former bullies that peaked in high school.

Next was a hard, weathered-looking man named Bronn with dark hair and his fair-haired Army buddy Daario who was much more of a pretty-boy. They ran some sort of security company together and did not look like men one should fuck with.

Two lean and very good looking Dornish men, Oberyn and Trystane, spanned both ends of the age gap so it was no great surprise when they were introduced as uncle and nephew. Next to them was a large bushy bearded, red headed mountain man, named Tormund that worked as a guide for explorers North of the Wall and his much smaller co-worker named Jon who sported a nasty scar over his eye and dark hair in a hipster top knot. He had that broody look that some women were drawn to like flies and Tyrion wondered how that would translate in these circumstances.

Gendry and Podrick  _ (Pod people Tyrion mouthed at Jaime)  _ were childhood friends. Gendry was dark haired and handsome in a rugged way with an athletic build. Podrick was quiet and almost looked like he was trying to hide behind his friend from the cameras.

The last four men were two sets of business partners. A Dothraki named Drogo who looked like a bodybuilder ran an import/export business with a lean Northman named Jorah who was easily the oldest person cast. Sam and Edd ran an internet start-up and were completed opposites. Sam was as rotund and talkative as Edd was thin and dour. Tyrion immediately liked them both as there was not a trace of ‘Pod Person’ to either of them.

Finally, it was Tyrion and Jaime’s turn and Tyrion noticed the raised eyebrows from a few of them when they were introduced as brothers. Even though they shared the same eyes, coloring, and jawline, few could see beyond his height. Internally he seethed, but quipped sarcastically “I know, I know we’re practically twins. But just remember I’m the good looking one!” with a rueful smile at the camera. At this point in his life, lines like that were almost expected of him since he used humor as a defense mechanism. Because in a twist of irony, it was somehow  _ his  _ responsibility to make  _ other  _ people comfortable with his body. 

After the introductions, their esteemed hosts said goodbye to the men and moved to the women’s side to film the women’s segment. At this point a member of the filming staff explained exactly what would happen over the next few days. The first day would consist of 16 speed dates of 10 minutes each with short breaks every hour and a longer one for lunch. The following day would consist of much of the same. However, on the second day either party could terminate the date at any time and leave the pod which they could not do on day one. At the end of day two, you would give the production staff a list of people you’d like to have additional dates with and another list of “no contact.” Dates after that could be any length and needed to be agreed to by both parties. 

Tyrion watched as the other men took notes in the journals provided of the agenda. The journals were touted as a way to jot down impressions and thoughts about their various partners over the course of the ‘experiment’. Tyrion, however, was using it to write down the names and impressions of his fellow male castmates. He smiled evilly to himself. Finishing, he glanced at Jaime who had tossed his journal on the coffee table. His smile fell and he whispered “Just write down their names and a word or two that will trigger your memory. I can write out more for you later if you want.” With his dyslexia, reading and writing had already been a struggle for Jaime. Add the loss of his dominant hand, and Jaime wrote like a first grader. Luckily, in this modern technological age it wasn’t as much of an issue, but none of those devices were permitted on the set. 

“I’ll be OK.” Jaime said through gritted teeth. 

Tyrion though he probably would be. His brother had a remarkable knack with people and a phenomenal memory and would no doubt be able to recall all of his dates better than Tyrion. However, he would not be OK if he didn’t get over whatever had crawled up his ass.

Tyrion whispered “What’s gotten into you? Don’t tell me Jaime Lannister is nervous but I guess there's a first time for everything.”

“It’s not that.”

“What then?” The pinched look on his face told him everything and he sighed in disbelief. “Gods Jaime, you talked to her? Really?”

“I made the mistake of telling Uncle Kevin we’d be unavailable the next few weeks and she got wind of it.” He ran his hand through his golden locks. “She showed up at my door last night.”

“Oh Gods…” Tyrion said in dismay.

“Nothing happened. She was high on a cocktail of pills and booze. After I told her to leave, she started screaming and hitting me.” he pushed up his left sleeve revealing a nasty claw mark on his arm. “I marched her back out to the town car and told her driver to take her home.” He shook his head in dismay. “I can’t believe I ever loved her.”

A man with a headset walked into the room indicating for the men to follow. “All I know Jaime is that you can’t let Cersei have any more of your life than she already has. Don’t let her take this experience, however bizarre it might be, away from you by sinking into this shitty mood.” He smirked at him “You’re about to meet sixteen women and hopefully a few of them won’t think you’re a complete asshole. But only if you try.”

“You’re one to talk.” Jaime grumbled. “I’m only going to say this once more. Would it be so bad to actually give this a shot?” 

In his head, Tyrion once again saw himself in the big reveal scene and the rejection that would inevitably follow. Loneliness his heart could handle, but he wasn’t sure about another heartbreak. “I could think of nothing worse.”

* * *

  
Looking at some of her fellow cast mates, Sansa felt seriously under dressed. They were told on the first day of filming to wear something appropriate for a first date. Sansa had chosen a sleeveless, yellow and white sundress with a white cardigan. Truthfully, it was a work outfit as she hadn’t dated in a long while but she thought it was appropriate. Apparently a good portion of the other women got a different memo and were dressed for a night of clubbing. She hadn’t seen this many women in short, tight dresses and five inch designer heels since Talisa’s bachelorette party three years ago. Sansa had gotten rid of any dresses she had remaining from her college days like that after freeing herself from Ramsey because they no longer fit. Stress, fear, and constant criticism had kept her thin to the point of being unhealthy. She did not have Arya’s lean athletic build, and her body had resumed its natural hourglass shape in the last year. Sansa wondered if she should have gone shopping for some new outfits, but truthfully she just didn’t think she’d be comfortable wearing that sort of thing anymore. That Sansa was in the past along with a lot of pain and misery and was best kept there.

Arya, on the other hand, had shown up on the set dressed to kill. She wore a strapless silver bandage dress that barely covered her ass and strappy high heels. Her shoulder length dark hair was blown out and she was rocking a fierce smokey eye that Sansa wanted to get tips on. Sansa remembered a time when she would have loved Arya to dress up with her like this and free herself from her tomboy ways. But now she just felt sad. Because while Arya looked incredible, the outfit felt more like she was trying to prove something. But prove something to herself or someone else? 

Sansa smiled at her “You look super hot little sister but you do know this is a  _ blind  _ dating show.” she teased.

Arya frowned at her and rolled her eyes. “Thanks for the reminder.”

Sansa furrowed her brow, observing the sex kitten in front of her who was both so Arya and so not Arya at the same time. “Unless you’ve changed career goals to be the next ‘Randy’ Royce, I suspect that this drastic change has something to do with an individual that might actually see you in this outfit once the show airs.”

Arya’s face flushed red in anger under the heavy makeup and Sansa knew she was right. “You have no idea what you're talking about Sansa and I thought you were more enlightened than to tear down another woman on how she dresses.”

Sansa clutched her sister’s hand in apology. “You’re right on both accounts and I’m sorry to you and the goddess of feminism. But I wish you would talk to me so I would know what you are going through because you’re not acting like the Arya I know.” Sansa knew that Arya’s walls were thick but she was determined to not let her suffer behind them alone. She had done that herself for too long.

Arya’s eyes darkened but was saved from responding by the entrance of the producers. Sansa squirmed as Petyr’s eyes lingered a little too long on her legs, but smiled when he recognized Arya and did a slight double take. Arya just smirked at him and gave him a little wave.

After the producers said their bit, the cameras started rolling and Harry and Randy surprised the women by emerging as their new hosts. Sansa has to admit that both of them were extremely attractive but had been perplexed when she watched several women fight over him last year. Every other word that dripped out of him just sounded like a pick-up line and the narcissism surrounding him was evident through the cameras. Randy wasn’t much better. She had chosen to pursue Harry over another man who was really into her and sweet as could be (and uber hot to boot). But once he revealed that he was an elementary school teacher, and thus not rolling in the dough, Randy had cooled on him. Honestly if he hadn’t been on the reunion show touting his new girlfriend, Sansa would have been tempted to ask Petyr for his number.

Sansa smiled and nodded politely while Harry shamelessly flirted with the women and Randy draped herself and her back-breaking new cleavage all over him as they explained the show’s premise for the cameras. After listening to the couple banter complete with an eye rolling amount of double entendres, their hosts finally turned to this season’s cast of women.

Daenerys and Missandei were introduced as “best friends” but it was also mentioned that Missandei was Daenerys’s personal assistant and right hand woman. There was genuine affection between the commanding silver-haired business mogul and the reserved Naathese beauty. However, it was evident in their demeanor which of the two had signed them up for the show and Missandei, while polite, did not share the enthusiasm of her employer/friend.

There were two other sets of sisters on the show besides Sansa and Arya. Obara and Tyene were sultry Dornish stunners that although half-sisters looked practically like twins. On the other hand, Walda and Rosalin couldn’t be more different with Walda being plump and outgoing and Rosalin thin and timid.

The next pair also had a woman named Ros who wore a tight blue dress that looked fantastic against her long, curly red hair. She offered to use her stage name Rose to not be confused with Roslin.

“Stage name? Sounds like a stripper name.” Harry said tactlessly.

“That’s because it is.” Roz said proudly. “I paid off all my student loans dancing at night and I’m now saving for grad school.” She turned to flash the camera a smile. “My job as a social worker in the foster care system has many rewards but financial compensation is not one of them.”

“We actually prefer the term ‘exotic dancers’” piped up Doreah, who was Ros’s partner and apparently coworker. She wore a black, backless jumpsuit that showed off her stunning figure.

Shireen and Myrcella were cousins. Myrcella was a law student at KLU with a willowy figure and long golden hair. Her shorter cousin, Shireen, had just graduated with her Master’s in Library Science after teaching Common as a Second Language abroad for a few years near Valyria. That’s where she contracted the Greyscale that now scarred half her face. Shireen, rather than being angry about her disfigurement, expressed how grateful she was just to be alive as the disease was normally a death sentence. Sansa admired her greatly and as an English teacher was excited to have somebody around who loved books as much as she did.

Gilly and Ygritte had grown up together in a small village near the Wall and were avid outdoorswomen. Ygritte was a top contender to be on the Olympic archery team and helped run her family’s outdoor pursuit store. Gilly had turned her love of plants into a profession and made soaps and lotions from the flowers and herbs she cultivated.

The last two cast mates were an unlikely pair. Margaery was a curvy and classic brunette beauty with large doe-like eyes that worked in PR while her companion, Brienne, was a physical therapist. She was also the single tallest woman Sansa had ever seen. On top of her extraordinary height, she had huge broad shoulders and muscular arms. Her face was rather plain, almost homely, but contained the most vivid pair of bright blue eyes. They had become friends when Margaery’s brother had fallen in love and married Brienne's best friend, Renly. Margaery said that often they were “The only women in a room full of men that had stronger opinions about bridesmaid dress styles than we do. It was no wonder we bonded when we had two Groomzillas on our hands.” At that statement, Brienne laughed and her plain face became radiant, lighting up the room. 

With the introductions over, the women were ushered towards the pods. Sansa and Arya were last in line when suddenly Arya announced “Oh goodness, my earring fell off.” in a ditsy voice while grabbing Sansa and heading back to the couch.

As Arya faked searching for the earring she hadn’t lost she spoke in a low voice, while covering her mic and mimicking for Sansa to do the same. “Are you honestly OK with this Sansa? We can turn tail and run. It’s not worth it if you’re not ready. I know what I said the other night but, well after  _ him  _ I wouldn’t blame you if you took a vow of chastity for a decade or two. Your mental health is more valuable to me then our little brother’s college plans and holding my hand through my early-life crisis.” 

Sansa was touched to the point of tearing up at her sister’s worries. “I promise I’m good.” And surprisingly, she was. True, her stomach clenched with nerves, but it was a combination of fear and excitement. She was tired of only having a dog to snuggle with at night as awesome as Lady was. She smiled at the thought of having somebody to come home to, to share thoughts and ideas with, to laugh with, to share a _ life _ with. A genuine smile broke through suddenly. She  _ was  _ ready, finally ready, to date again. 

But this time, she was a little older and a lot wiser. And having a fierce little wing woman at her back made her feel all the better.

That sense of bravery and hope buoyed her as the women lined up outside the pods. When the bell chimed for the date to begin, she heard more than one nervous laugh from her fellow cast mates. Arya gave her a thumbs up and they both headed inside for their respective dates.

Sansa was transfixed, admiring the cozy room with the opaque lighted wall on one side. When suddenly from the other side of the lighted wall a deep masculine voice said “Hello?” 

With that singular innocuous word, her happy bubble burst as the enormity of what she was doing crashed down on her like a tidal wave.

  
  
  
  


She, Sansa Stark, was actually on a reality TV dating show and there was no turning back.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter are the first dates!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that in order to cast this show I had to play fast and loose with canon relationships and ages (the perks of an extremely AU fic.) So in less I specifically spell out that people are related, they're not in this story.

It had taken less than a minute of Tyrion’s first ten minute date on this asinine television show, for his plans to start unraveling. Plans, of course, being a loose term. Planning would indicate that he cared enough to put some effort into sinking this preposterous premise. And while he had no intention of taking this game ( _ because dear Gods that is what this was)  _ seriously, he hadn’t thought beyond the basic brush strokes of what he might do. There had just been so much actual work to do. So much to organize for his half dozen assistants to handle for the next few weeks, that he had worked 18 hour days and had barely slept. There just hadn’t been the time to coalesce the handful of idle ideas he had into any real plans.

But what little he had thought about, collapsed under the friendly feminie voice of Shireen the Librarian. First of all, librarian...how damn hot is that! He had always had fantasies of a shapely woman in a knee length pencil skirt, blouse unbuttoned a little too low, glasses, high heels, and hair just ready to spill out of a tight bun. An image built from movies and too much porn for a lonely lusty teen. He had spent enough of his time in libraries to know that, but still a man could dream. Plus she knew about books, lots and lots of books and they had immediately discovered a mutual interest in historical novels about the Age of Heroes. 

He was so caught up in the conversation with this woman that shared his same interests that the ten minutes were up before he knew it. He wasn’t sure if there was a spark of romantic interest in the conversation, but how could you tell in ten minutes without lust involved? Love was something he knew very little about, but lust he was well acquainted with so he felt quite out of his element.

All he did know, is that Shireen seemed genuine and sweet and he’d be a cad if he messed with her. Tyrion had no problem casting himself as the season’s dirtbag, but he was realizing that he just wasn’t callous enough to treat women badly to prove a point. It was dawning on him that acting like an ass was a whole lot different than actually being an asshole that didn’t care about the women’s feelings.

‘ _ Maybe you should give this a chance after all’  _ whispered the hopeful little voice that sounded annoyingly like Jaime in the back of his mind. ‘ _ Haven’t you always wanted a woman to see the man you are beyond your stunted body?’. _

Tyrion scoffed at himself, as he exited the pod.  _ Of course,  _ he wanted that. But life experience had made him a cynic, all but squashing the hopeless romantic that he was at heart under all the sarcasm and snark. Part of him wanted to listen to that voice, but a louder darker part of him that was unmistakably the voice of his not-dearly departed father boomed.  _ ‘Ridiculous imp. No woman wants a half-man, even in fairy tales. Did Snow White fall for a dwarf? No, she just bided her time until the Prince came along. Even the Beast turned out to be a handsome man under a spell. YOU will NEVER be more than the ill made creature you are.’ _

At war with himself, Tyrion took a deep breath trying to decide which voice to listen to.

* * *

  
  
“Hello?” Sansa said in answer to the voice that called out to her. She giggled nervously as she explored the room, before sitting on the comfy sofa. “This is crazy right? I can’t believe this is real.”

“Those cameras sure are real.” said the masculine voice that Sansa was pleased to hear had a deep Northern accent. The familiar cadence put her at ease and reminded her of her father. 

“What part of the North are you from?” asked Sansa.

“Can’t hide my accent can I?” the man asked with a small laugh. Even the laugh felt familiar, a little like Robb maybe? “My mum and I moved around a lot when I was a kid but we’re Northerners through and through. Spent the last few years working North of the Wall.”

“I grew up in Winterfell, but went to school in King’s Landing and have lived here ever since.” Sansa said trying to puzzle out why this man’s voice sounded so familiar

“I thought I heard a trace of Northern accent.” he paused. “I spent every summer as a kid living in Winterfell with my Uncle’s family while my Mom led expeditions North of the Wall. I wonder if we ever met? What’s your name?”

Horrified, Sansa realized why the voice sounded so familiar. “Jon?” she said with a squeak.

“No, that’s my name.” the confused voice said followed by a long pause.

“ _ Jon _ .” Sansa said emphatically, waiting for him to recognize her voice. 

“ _ SANSA _ ?” 

Sansa buried her head in her hands and started laughing hysterically. Her first date in three years and it was with her cousin. Could it get any worse than this??

* * *

  
For some reason, the second dates were delayed by 15 minutes or so while the crew scurried around. Tyrion couldn’t tell what exactly the issue was but glimpsed down the hall to see the broody man with the hipster bun talking urgently with Varys who wore a pinched look. He wandered over to grab coffee and a donut, although he eyed the wine collection, and joined Jaime on the couch.

“How’d your first date go?” Tyrion asked conversationally.

“Not great.” Jaime said with a sigh running his hands through his hair. “I’m not sure what happened, but I’m pretty sure she’ll be walking out on our date tomorrow.”

“I’m pretty sure I know what happened. Seeing C….umm your crazy ex” Tyrion eyed the cameras nervously not wanting to out the Lannister cousin-fucking to the world “last night no doubt messed with your head and you compensated by being an ass to poor” Tyrion opened Jaime’s journal “Brienne is it?” He tried to decipher the only word next to it. “What is this word?”

“Wench.” Jaime said with a smile.

Tyrion just gave him a quizzical look.

“She said she works summers at the Rennaissance Festival, I made a stupid remark about dressing like a wench with her tits hanging out. Turns out she plays the Blue Knight.” The Blue Knight was a legendary warrior maiden from the days of old.

“Ouch.” Poor woman he thought, the Lannisters all had sharp tongues and could inflict damage with their words easily. A great trait in the cutthroat corporate world, a disaster almost everywhere else.

“Yeah. I looked into trying to do that once. There is a lot of training and skill involved to joust and stage fight. I knew father would never allow it, so I never did more than watch.” Tywin had forced both the boys to read _The Art of War_ by Aegon the Conqueror due to the parallels between war and business. Doing so had unwittingly sparked a passion in his elder son for the golden age of knights and swordplay. “It would have been cool to learn what she does, but the date was over by then and I blew it.”

“Well if we ever get this show on the road again, I’ll wingman for you if you like this girl.” Tyrion said. “But you’ll need to apologize the minute your date starts tomorrow. And for God’s sake don’t call her a wench again.”

“It was kind of cute how mad she got. I could practically hear her teeth grinding.”

“There is something deeply wrong with you.”

“I know.” Jaime said with a wistful little smile.

* * *

  
  


After her “date” with Jon, Sansa then had to endure a whispered conversation with Uncle Petyr about Jon during which he had touched her one too many times and stood too close for comfort. Luckily, Arya had joined her shortly and upon hearing that Jon was one of the cast asked if he knew she was there as well. Petyr pulled out his phone and was texting Varys when Arya snatched it from him and sent him a rapid fire text. The phone chimed in response and Arya’s face lit up with a wicked smile. Petyr read the text upon Arya returning his phone and the corners of his mouth also pulled up into a smug smile.

“You may be able to salvage this yet niece. I’m trusting you.” Petyr simpered as he left the two alone in the hall.

“What was that about?” Sansa whispered.

“Jon doesn’t know I’m with you. As you said yourself, this totally isn’t me. So I’m going to mess with him during our date. The audience will eat it up so this mistake looks less like a show that can’t do a damn background check and more deliberately hilarious.”

“Poor Jon.”

“Poor Jon my ass. When I was eleven, I had a crush on my fencing instructor, Jaqen. In some misguided attempt at being protective, Jon thought it was a good idea to tell him and I was so embarrassed I quit lessons until Dad found Syrio. I always told him I’d get him back some day.” she said in triumph.

Sansa felt a little bad for Jon, but the spark in her sister’s eyes that had been too sad of late was worth a little embarrassment on his part.

* * *

If it had only taken a minute of his date with Shireen to unravel his plans, it took less than half of his second date to weave those threads together after speaking with his next date, Doreah. After their initial hellos she had immediately told him that she was a dancer at a “gentlemen’s club.” Tyrion was not opposed to dating a stripper, that was not the issue per say if she was also witty and intelligent, which she wasn’t. It was the way she said it, almost as bait or a weapon that bothered him. She may as well have just said “Hey, by the way I’m super hot and men pay to see me naked.” Again, this could have been fine but wasn’t the whole premise of the show to get to know somebody site unseen? 

She then proceeded to flirt with him by complementing his voice, saying how sexy it was. ( _ The Gods had cursed him with this stunted body while simultaneously granting him a deep masculine voice that women responded to quite favorably. He had used it as well as his silver tongue to talk more than one woman into his bed for the night. However in the light of day, it was hard for most to overlook his dwarfism and they left him feeling more empty than he had before.)  _ He had smiled at that and started flirting back when she said “With a deep sexy voice like that I’m sure you’re a beast of a man.”

“I’ve been called that on more than one occasion.” he said thinking of his father.

“How tall are you?” she asked.

“I’d give you neck strain.” he said truthfully while chuckling to himself.

“You must be a big guy since you don’t even know how tall I am!” she said excitedly. “Seriously, like how tall? Are you long and lean, or are you built more like a linebacker?”

Surprised at how annoyed he felt at this shallow line of questioning, he flipped open his journal to write a work or two about this woman when he saw the descriptions of his fellow bachelors. One idea that he had only possessed the seed of to disprove this premise germinated and blossomed in his mind. She wanted a beast of a man did she? He scrolled down the list before setting on the ginger mountain man. The rules said he couldn’t describe what the other men looked like, they never said he couldn’t use their looks to describe himself. Bending the show's ridiculous contract brought its own rush of pleasure to his legal mind.

Satisfied that he had a plan, he painted himself as a muscle bound, rugged, wildman to his date who clearly didn’t care who he was under the surface. And when the date was over, he smugly stepped out in the hall, noting which of his castmates he had described himself as to Doreah.

Perhaps, he didn’t have to be at war with himself at all he thought. He could be both the douchebag and the gentleman. It just depended on the lady on the other side of the wall. If she acted like she wanted to get to know the real Tyrion, he’d play it straight and do as Jaime asked. If she made it clear that looks were a priority, he’d serve himself up as one of the other guys. Admittedly, it wasn’t the best plan. But right now it was the only one he had.

* * *

  
  


With the exception of two dates, the rest of the first round of speed dates were a bit of a blur to Sansa. She had been sure to take notes about each guy, but two stuck out. One in a good way and one in a very bad way.

The man who stood out in a bad way was Ronnett. He spent the first half of the date talking,  _ no bragging _ , about himself and made sure to describe himself as a muscle bound stud, with both a huge bank account and a huge cock ( _ This wasn't said in so many words but his creepy flirtations implied it _ ). When he finally got around to learning about who she was, he mansplained to her that “print was dead” so kids shouldn’t “waste” their time reading classic novels in school. His last questions for her involved her cup size and underwear color preferences and Sansa was so stunned it took her a moment to coalesce her rage into words. Just as she was about to lay into him, the chimes rang indicating the date was over. Sansa burst out of the pod feeling ill. It turns out it could get worse than being on a blind date with your cousin if this is what was out in the dating pool.

She was still feeling out of sorts about the horror of her last date, when she sat down for the last date of the morning.

“I’m exhausted.” a weary male voice said from the other side of the wall. “How do people do this on a regular basis?”

“I have no idea.” Sansa said truthfully. “I never dated a whole lot, and it’s been years since I’ve been on a first date. But if the last guy I talked to is any indication of the quality of single men out there, I’m ready to hang up my ovaries and become the spinster my mother already thinks I am.”

Sansa’s statement was met with a chuckle. “Tell me what he said and I’ll try to guess which one of the guys it was.”

Sansa told him the highlights of the date and the man laughed harder. “That sounds like my new bro Ronnett.”

“He’s a treat.” Sansa said dryly. “Please don’t tell me you came here with him?” she said disgustedly. 

“Gods no, I came here with my actual brother. But in my brief acquaintance with your last date, I called him a blow hard to his face while dreaming about punching it in.”

“Guess he makes quite an impression on men and women alike. Hopefully, he won’t be here after tomorrow night. I can’t imagine the kind of woman that would agree to a date with him.”

They both laughed. Realizing she hadn’t asked this guy's name or anything about him she quickly asked “What about you, how have your dates been going to make you so exhausted? My name is Sansa by the way” she said hurriedly.

“Nice to meet you Sansa-by-the-way.” he said with a natural humor to his voice. “I’m Jaime and the reason I’m so exhausted is that I’ve been on more dates in the last two hours than I’ve ever been on in my life. I barely remember half of them, aside from the knight and the dragon lady.”

“I’m going to need more details than that.” she teased enjoying the easy conversation.

“Details about my lack of dating or the knight and the dragon lady?” he teased back.

“We probably only have time for one.” she said eyeing the clock. It was amazing how fast the time went during this date with Jaime as opposed to the torture of the last date.

A sigh emanated from the wall. “Truth is I’ve never dated before.” Jaime said, sounding both sad and embarrassed. “I’ve been involved with the same woman since childhood.”

“Childhood sweethearts? Sounds romantic to me.”

“More like manipulative and controlling. When the toxicity turned to abuse, I finally broke free with the help of my brother. And now here I am, dating for the first time on a reality tv show.” he said in a quiet voice.

Sansa’s heart thudded in her chest and she squeezed her eyes shut at the remembrance of her own abusive relationship. Lost in her own painful memories she didn’t respond right away and Jaime cleared his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overshare and make you uncomfortable.”

“No Jaime it’s not that at all.” she said quietly. “I just think...that you and I have a lot in common.”

“Oh” he said in surprised relief followed by another quieter “oh” of realization.

“Yeah.”

“We could talk about it next time if you want.” Jaime said softly.

“Maybe.” she said pinching the bridge of her nose. “Or you could tell me about the knight and the dragon lady.”

“Whatever the lady wishes.” he said with a smile in his voice.

“Thanks for being my best date so far today.” Sansa said sincerely.

“Really?” he says in an incredulous, yet pleased voice making her blush a little.

The chime rang for the date to end and Sansa stood and stretched, ready to take a lunch break and find her sister wondering if she had her date with Jon yet.

“Yep. But don’t get to cocky about it, the bar was pretty low. My next best date ended up being my cousin.” she said a little saucily.

The sound of Jaime’s howls of laughter followed her into the hall.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Do not fret, Jaimsa is not a real ship and I deny their existence.  
> 2) Of course Tyrion would have librarian fantasies. It is well known.  
> 3) Yes Tyrion's half-assed plan is shit. Maybe because he actually want to give this a shot? He is the master of self-sabotage which will be a theme in this fic. He's also not always as clever as he thinks.  
> 4) Anybody who reads this is the best and I'm sorry I'm such a slow writer. My free time has evaporated of late.  
> 5) I'm sorry I didn't get to the first Tyrion/Sansa date. It's coming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that in order to cast this show I had to play fast and loose with canon relationships and ages (the perks of an extremely AU fic.) So in less I specifically spell out that people are related, they're not in this story

Cradling one full plate in the crook of his right elbow and carrying a second heaped with food from the buffett in the left, Jaime and his ridiculously fast metabolism joined Tyrion and his healthy salad for lunch. One of the many fun benefits of achondroplasia was a constant battle with the scale as any extra weight can add wear and tear on already strained joints. Tyrion had become a vegetarian and swam regularly in his condo pool to stay trim, but he would never even be a glimmer of the physical specimen his brother was. 

After wolfing down his massive meal, Jaime leaned back and smiled. They had broken into their “teams” per the producers' request, for an “intimate” recap of the morning's dates. Already, the cameras were becoming more normal to him, especially since so many were hidden and not manned by cameramen. A sense of relief filled Tyrion and he was pleased to see a far happier version of his brother than what arrived at the studio this morning.

“What are you smiling about?” Tyrion chuckled. “Met the  _ one _ already?”

“It’s just nice...to date. This is all so new to me. Even the bad dates were somewhat entertaining.”

“Other than your Blue Knight, who I did talk to by the way and is a lovely creature far out of your league I might add, who else did you like?” Tyrion asked.

“Well there was this one other girl...Wait, what do you mean that she’s out of my league?” Jaime said defensively. Tyrion shook his head. For all the gifts Jaime had been given in life, he was still immensely insecure and sometimes he forgot that. 

“Your wench as you called her, is a well recognized physical therapist that specializes in working with athletes. Who also volunteers as a softball and volleyball coach for underprivileged youth organizations. You know when she’s not jousting and beating men with swords.”

Jaime got a dreamy look in his eyes for a moment at that statement. 

“And I had to pry that information from her, she was not bragging about it to look good. In fact Brienne seemed a bit uncomfortable when I told her how impressed I was with her.” 

“So I guess you like her now too?” Jaime said, looking both guarded and dejected. “Guess the team premise is already paying off if we both like the same girl. Varys will be beside himself with joy.”

Tyrion rolled his eyes. “First of all, that woman’s passion is sports and fitness and I’d rather have a glass of wine and a good book any day. I think she’d prefer a man who runs five miles a day and spent his last vacation cycling across the Riverlands with a bunch of similar minded fools. Which I did mention to her after giving her your apologies. I also may have mentioned that you dreamed of growing up to be Ser Arthur Dayne rather than sports figures or superheroes like other little boys.”

“I don’t know if I should thank you or throttle you.” Jaime said a bit wistfully.

“Tell me after your date tomorrow.” Tyrion said with an encouraging wink.

Jaime went back to the buffet to scrounge up dessert and Tyrion noted that the hipster-bun man, Jon according to his notes, had just arrived for lunch ten minutes after everyone else. He was flushed and sweaty. Clearly in a fowl mood, he stomped over with his food to join the gregarious ginger mountain man he was paired with. Once Jaime came back, Tyrion asked “So that fellow over there was talking animatedly to Varys during our unscripted break this morning and now he’s late for lunch looking like hell. Wonder what that’s about?”

Jaime shrugged clearly, not caring as he shoved an entire cupcake in his mouth “Bad date?” he said spitting crumbs across the table.

Tyrion mulled over the possibilities. “You have no innate curiosity Jaime.”

“No, I know how to mind my business.” He peeled a wrapper from another cupcake. “But I am curious how you’ve decided to enact your plan you so drunkenly told me about,” he said, popping the second cupcake in his mouth.

Tyrion briefly told him about his first two dates and the decision that he had come to. Jaime just crossed his arm and cocked his head. “Sounds like a stupid plan but at least you're giving some of the women a shot.”

That was because it was in fact a terrible plan. The truth was, he’d rather just focus on the pleasant women he had spoken with. It was liberating to talk to women knowing they weren’t focused on his physical form, to not be judged and categorized as a curiosity at best or a freak at worst. He had been lonelier than he liked to admit after Shae left and would love nothing more than a woman to come home to and share a life with. But a lifetime of rejection kept him from being able to fully commit to the possibility that someone could come to care for him once they knew of his dwarfism.

“Do me a favor would you?” Jaime asked.

“Besides talking you up to  _ Ser _ Brienne?” Tyrion countered.

Jaime’s eyes glassed over a little and Tyrion began to suspect he was learning far more about his brother’s kinks then he would like.

“Please don’t mess with the women I like.”

“ _ Women?  _ So the fair lady knight has competition for her prince's heart?” Tyrion said in jest.

“I’m serious Tyrion. I met a woman that has a…. umm history similar to my own. She’s also just now trying to get back into dating and I don’t want her a pawn in your game.” Jaime said evenly as his jaw clenched and his eyes flashed sharply.

“Okay, okay.” Tyrion said defensively. “I will not be the dastardly rogue to your white knight. What’s her name?”

“Sansa.” he said as his eyes softened and Tyrion felt a chill up his back hearing the name that almost felt like premonition. Perhaps his brother  _ had _ met the  _ one _ ?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ (In time he would come back to this moment and realize that he had never been more right and more wrong in the same thought.) _

* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


Arya was late to lunch so Sansa ate awkwardly by herself wishing she had a book to keep her company. Instead, she enviously listened to the other women dishing about their dates. It wasn’t like she was trying to spy on them. Teaching had honed her hearing to monitor a classroom full of kids and she couldn’t help if she overheard the two Dornish sisters talking.

The one named Obara opened her diary flipping through the pages listing off some of her dates to her sister. “Did you have your date with Tyrion yet?” Her sister nodded. “That voice, damn. Am I right?” she said with a sly smile.

“Gods yes, that voice.” Tyene said with a smile fanning herself. “I think he could talk a woman to orgasm. Doesn’t hurt that he’s a tall, lean, blonde, pretty-boy either. Definitely a contender.”

Obara looked confused checking her notes. “Huh, I have him written down as having black hair and of an average height?”

“Maybe you wrote that on the wrong page?”

“Maybe. But I remember telling him I liked dark haired men.”

Sansa just rolled her eyes. What was the point of these pods if people were just going to ask what their date looked like? But it was odd that they had different descriptions of the same man.

She pushed that thought to the side as Arya finally emerged and began working her way through the buffett. Sansa took the opportunity to wander over to the dessert table where she had seen some tempting looking lemon cakes. Ros and Doreah were ensconced nearby and Sansa overheard her saying “and that voice so sexy and deep. Just you wait. They should pay him to read erotic audio books. He also told me his height would give me neck strain and that he had long red hair and a beard.”

“You do like the burly men.” Ros said knowingly. “I’ll keep an ear out for this guy. Tyrion you said?”

_ Tyrion?  _ Sansa thought. Wasn’t that the same guy the Sand sisters were discussing? Three different women with three different descriptions of the same man? This was sounding deliberate on the part of this Tyrion. What kind of game was this joker playing?

She circled back around the room, finishing her lemon cake before she reached the table. Joining Arya, she asked “Where were you?”

Arya gave her a long, slow grin “On a date.”

“Dates that were over fifteen minutes ago.” Sansa said with the irritation of an older sibling who had been late many times due to her tardy little sister.

“On a date with  _ Jon.”  _ Arya said with a twinkle in her eyes.

“What did you do Arya?” Sansa said in more of a school teacher voice than she meant to. Poor Jon, he had already been so chagrined over their own date.

Rolling her eyes “If you're going to be like that, I just won’t tell you.” she said crossing her arms with a pout.

“Please?” Sansa said, batting her eyelashes.

“I’ll think about it.” Arya said teasing. “Tell me about your dates this morning while I finish eating.”

Sansa proceeded to tell her the horrid tale of her date with Ronnett and could see the anger flashing in her little sister’s eyes and her ears were almost purple with rage by the time she was done.

“Guys like that need to be shut down.”

“It’s just so shocking to be in the middle of it that you don’t know how to respond before it’s too late. But I plan to give him a piece of my mind tomorrow before I walk out on him.”

“You probably won’t be the first woman to do that if that’s the way he’s acting for all his dates.”

“According to Jaime he’s just an ass in general.”

“Who’s Jaime?”

Sansa blushed a little as she told Arya about her first really good date of the show. Thinking of Jaime’s friendly (and flirty) voice gave her a warm feeling. But while she looked forward to talking to him again, she hadn’t felt that  _ zing _ of chemistry, that butterflies in her stomach, heart racing sensation. Not that she was an expert on this by any stretch of the imagination. She just wasn’t sure if that was because physical attraction had been removed from the picture or if there was another deeper reason. Most likely it was because she had only talked to the man in question for ten minutes. Another date might define things.

“Your turn.” Sansa said brightly just as a harried looking production assistant entered the room warning them they all had only ten minutes left until it was time for the next round of dates to begin.

“Do you want to hear all about the dreamy boys I met?” Arya said in a false coquettish voice, placing her cheek on the back of her folded hands and issuing a long fake sigh.

“We have days to come to fail the Bechdel test, tell me what you did to Jon.”

“Doesn’t Jon qualify as talking about a man?” Arya said.

“Not in my world!” Sansa laughed and Arya joined in.

“Do you remember Bella the Braavosi exchange student that Robb and Jon had a crush on?”

“Vaguely”

“Anyway, Jon went on and on about her accent that whole summer they were fifteen, so once I recognized Jon’s voice I started rolling out this outrageously bad Braavosi accent while trying not to burst out laughing. I keep waiting for him to call me on it, but he never did! When that didn’t work, I upped the ante by starting to lace all my questions and responses with outlandish sexual innuendos and he still acts like this is a normal conversation!”

“Poor Jon, he always has been a bit clueless about girls.”

“More like clueless in general. Still not getting anywhere and running out of time, I finally say ‘ _ What does the fire tell you Jon Snow?’”  _ Arya said leaning across the table excitedly.

“No!” Sansa gasped in disbelief. Those words were well known in the recruitment of followers of the Lord of Light, a religion that was more like a cult crossed with a pyramid scheme.

“FINALLY, I get a rise out of him as he stammers back ‘ _ How do you know my name? _ ’, because I made sure never to ask his name or tell him mine. Which by the way he never noticed, I mean  _ rude a little.  _ Dude totally needs to step up his game. Anyway, I tell him I “saw” him in the fire, and do you want to know what I told him I saw in the fire?” Arya says animatedly, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she bounced excitedly in her chair.

Sansa’s eyes widened filled with mirth as she covered her giggle. “I can only imagine.”

“I recounted the time Theon was mad at him and stole his clothes when he met up with some girl Theon liked to go skinny dipping.” Theon was Robb’s best friend with a terrible home life who practically lived with them and became like a member of the family. Sansa had a summer fling with him before college that ended when she realized she felt like she was dating Robb. They were still friends and it was somewhat comforting to know that her virginity had been given to someone who at least cared for her and was kind. It was a small comfort in the years under Ramsey to come.

Sansa remembered the story well. Jon had tried to cover himself with leaves and sneak back into the house only to be caught by her mother who for some unknown reason could barely tolerate her nephew. Jon had brooded and slunk around the house for weeks afterwards in a sullen funk.

“What did he say?” Sansa asked.

“He stammered incoherently for a second and finally got  _ realllllllly  _ quiet. It was like I could  _ finally _ hear those gears engaging in that pretty head of his.” she laughed. “Suddenly, he blurts out  _ ARYA????  _ I swear Sansa I never laughed so long and hard in my life.” Even now tears formed in the corners of her eyes as she recounted the story. “Gods it's a good thing those pods are sound proof. Revenge truly is a gift best served cold.” she giggled. “I was late because I truly had to talk him down off the wall. He was threatening to leave the show in a huff so I’ve had to swear both of us would help him with the girls as much as possible in the confines of the rules. I swear I love the man but he’s so  _ extra  _ sometimes.” she said, rolling her eyes fondly.

The chimes rang for the dates to resume and as they walked back to the pods, Sansa remembered the strange conversations she overheard earlier. She turned to Arya and asked “Did you have a date with a man named Tyrion yet?”

“Not yet. Why?”

“No reason.” 

  
  
  
  


* * *

Tyrion’s dates for the afternoon had been an eclectic group of women. Myracella was a smart young law student that Tyrion enjoyed talking to, but their interaction quickly felt like a mentor/mentee and he planned to use tomorrow’s date to see if she would be interested in applying for a paid internship for the summer. She was followed by Missandei, who was naturally gifted at languages, and politely corrected his rough Valyrian that he tried to practice with her. It was a gambit, but otherwise she wasn’t terribly engaged in the date and he got a definite impression she did not want to be there. Neither one of them asked him about his appearance.

His third date was with Margaery, and while outwardly the date went well and the conversation was light, fun and flirty, there were warning bells going off in his head. Tyrion knew a shark when he saw, or in this case, heard one. Margaery reminded him far, far too much of Cercei. Tyrion was sure that some poor soul would love nothing to be tied into knots by the sultry PR rep, quickly bending to her will. He just knew it wouldn’t be him. She had dropped subtle hints and leading questions about his appearance but had never directly asked him. In true lawyerly fashion, he had evaded any answers, which was honestly great fun for him. Somewhat stymied, he wondered if she would be more direct next time.

Arya has surprised him by offering to teach him some yoga. The serious sounding personal trainer had been up front with her passion for fitness much like Jaime’s lady knight. When Tyrion explained that he really only swam for fitness due to “joint issues”, Arya offered to instruct him in some yoga basics the next day that were easy on his joints when he couldn’t swim. She hadn’t asked any follow up questions about his joint issues (other than range of motion) that would lend towards knowing his body type. There was definitely no sparks between them, but Tyrion enjoyed her no-nonsense attitude and seeing how the yoga went tomorrow, he may have found a personal trainer.

Daenerys had easily been the worst date of the day. It had started off well. She was bright, personable, and ambitious. However, it quickly became abundantly clear that she was on a mission and was seeing if her dates checked off certain boxes on her list. Tyrion had been on more casual job interviews and had only witnessed in court the level of cross examination leveled at him. Near the end of the date, she did bluntly ask him for a basic description of himself and he had to catch himself before answering honestly under her almost commanding tone of voice. Drawing a bit of a blank, Tyrion remembered the broody, late arrival for lunch and described him to what he could best describe as the dragon-lady on the other side of the wall. Thankfully, his date afterwards was with the very talkative Gilly who was happy to chatter endlessly while he recovered from the Inquisition known as Daenerys.

Ros, his second to last date, was just damn sexy. Her voice was sultry and melodious and her mind lively and sharp. Their conversation was flirty but not inane and superficial. He found himself frustrated by the length of the date at its conclusion, wishing he had been able to figure out if they were truly compatible. 

The thought frightened him. It was amazing how easily it was to fall under the spell of this show, even for a cynic like him. But he had just gone on fifteen dates where he didn’t once have to worry about the stares, the surreptitious glances, and faked smiles. He could just be Tyrion the man, not Tyrion the dwarf. It was intoxicating. But it wasn’t real, and that made him furious. 

Clenching and unclenching his fist, he resolved to not let himself be swept up in the nonsense. He was there to repay Varys first and foremost but he was also resolved to help his naive brother navigate the dating world for the first time. If he was able to shine a spotlight on how ridiculous the show’s concept was beyond the bubble of the pods, it would be a bonus.

  
  


* * *

  
  


At long last the final date of the day was upon them. Everyone looked a bit weary as they lined up. With a sigh of relief, Tyrion realized the last date must be with Sansa, the woman that Jaime had displayed an interest in. He felt he had done an admirable job doing damage control with Brienne, so swooping in to extol his brother’s virtues when he  _ hadn't _ been an ass should be a breeze. With that thought in mind, expecting only to play a supportive role in his brother’s love life, he shed his armor of callousness at the door.

“Hello?” he called out in his friendliest voice to the other pod.

“Tyrion I presume?” replied a soft, lilting voice with a trace of humor. The sound of his name on her lips simultaneously warmed his insides while causing goosebumps on his arms. 

Not knowing what to make of the strange physical reaction and caught off guard that she knew his name he responded, “That’s me. I assume you are Sansa?” 

Her silence before replying told him that she was just as surprised that he knew her name as he had been that she knew his.

“Yes.” she said warily, some of the warmth leaving her voice. “How did you know my name?”

“My brother may have mentioned you.” he gave a pause waiting for her to ask who his brother was. When she didn’t and he didn’t offer he continued “May I ask how you know mine?”

“A few of the other girls were talking.” she said in a teasing manner. “You do know that women talk about these things amongst themselves, right?”

There was something about her voice that made the question sound more like an accusation. 

The hair on the back of Tyrion’s neck prickled in warning, like prey being stalked by an unseen predator. Trying not to display his unease, he replied nonchalantly, “Of course.” in his most charming voice. “All good I hope?”

“Depends” she said noncommittally. Tyrion smiled to himself, knowing that he was being baited. He let the subject drop. But like any good predator (or lawyer), he would circle back around to that question later because he was more than a bit intrigued by whatever little game she was playing.

Conversation segued into the banal introductions they had already gone through fifteen times before. ( _ Tyrion, corporate attorney, mid 30s, never married but came close in college, lover of books and wine. Sansa, high school English teacher, mid 20s, never married, lover of books and dogs.) _ They made small talk for a bit, both connoisseurs of classic literature. He found her opinions intelligent, well formed, and genuinely enjoyed conversing with her. It was almost too bad Jaime had already declared interest in her. On the other hand, his brother was the only one that stood a chance at finding happiness on this stupid show. It would serve him well to remember that. One look at Jaime, hand or no, and whatever lucky lady would think she just won the lottery. The complete opposite would happen for him, of that he had no doubt.

His objective here was to look out for Jaime. Or at least that’s what he told himself, when he circled back to her cheeky “depends” comment. It was about Jaime, not his pride, to see what kind of woman she was.

“So earlier” he said in his deepest, most charming voice “What did you mean by ‘depends’?” he said. “Depends on what?”

“Depends on what you tell me you look like.” she said evenly.

Anger flared up in Tyrion. He was a fool to like this girl, she was no better than the others and he would be sure to steer Jaime away from her too. 

She continued before he could reply. “I mean I’ve heard that you’re a tall, blonde, pretty boy, or you have dark hair, or you have flowing red hair and a beard. So yes it depends.”

“Depends on what? What version do you prefer Sansa?” he said cuttingly, tension filling his body.

“It depends on what lie you are going to tell me!” Sansa replied vehemently. “What kind of game are you playing by describing yourself as very different men to several different women? And on a dating show called ‘Love is blind’ nonetheless. Honestly, what kind of person does that?”

“You're asking the wrong question Sansa. The question isn’t what kind of man am I, the question you should ask yourself is why?” he responded with a tremor in his voice that unnerved him.

“Why??” she said incredulously.

“Why would a man describe himself differently to different women on a blind dating show?” Tyrion questioned her, surprised at how badly he suddenly wanted this particular woman to understand his reasoning.

“Because he’s a player.”

Tyrion snorted “Hardly. I think you're cleverer than that Sansa. What is my motivation?”

“What is this murder mystery dinner theater? Where are my drink tokens?” she said with an exasperated laugh.

Tyrion chuckled at her frustration, “Let’s just call it a game. You’re clearly an intelligent woman. Figure out why I told those women that I looked like different men and I’ll tell you if you’re right.”

* * *

  
  
  
  


_ “Let’s just call it a game...Figure out why... and I’ll tell you if you're right.” _

‘ _ Seriously, who is this guy _ ?’ Sansa thought as she leaned back on the sofa, crossing her arms. She wasn’t quite sure what she was expecting on this date with Tyrion. She thought maybe she’d confront him about his lying and see what elaborate lies he’s spin to get out of it. Perhaps she’d tell the other girls and they could send him packing with Ronnett. Instead he had turned the question around on her. And she was... _ intrigued _ ?? Gods, what was wrong with her?

The girls were right about one thing though, the man did have the  _ sexiest _ voice she had ever heard. She could practically feel it, deep and powerful, rumbling through the walls. But that was only half of the pull. The other half was how well spoken and articulate he was displaying a quick wit and a keen intellect. If she hadn’t gone into this date thinking he was shady, she would have definitely been marking him down for another.

“A game hmmmm. I do like a good mystery.” Sansa pondered, shocked that she would consider this venture. She wasn’t sure why she was giving this preposterous notion a chance. There was just  _ something  _ about this man, about the way he was pulling her into his orbit, that made her agree. Probably just her terrible taste in men. But she had to admit, at least she found him interesting. Which if more than she could say for most of her dates today, who had bored her silly.

“As do I. Like I said, you strike me as a clever, curious woman. For instance, I bet you were as puzzled as I was why the dates came to a screeching halt this morning after the first one.” Sansa smiled realizing he was fishing for information.

“No.” she said a little smugly. “I know exactly why that happened.” She brightened a little. “Since you enjoy playing games so much, why don’t you figure it out and I’ll tell  _ you  _ why. I’ll even give you a clue like you gave me. Don’t ask yourself why, ask yourself who?” she said devilishly.

He responded with an amused chuckle that made her heart race a little. She mentally berated herself. This man was bad news no matter how attractive she found his mind and his voice. And how much fun she was suddenly having.

“So we both have our mysteries to solve? What if we both figure it out or neither of us do? We need a tie breaker.” he said, reminding her of her younger brothers when they made up rules to whatever game they were playing.

“Why on earth do we need a tie breaker?” Sansa asked.

“How else do we know who wins! I did say this is a game right?” he said excitedly.

Sansa couldn’t help but giggle at his earnestness. There was most definitely  _ something _ clearly messed up in her brain. Must be fatigue from all the dates. Shocking herself yet again she responded, “I have an idea. Have any of the other women mentioned who their partner is to you by name?”

“No.”

“Me neither. I mean you said you were here with your brother but you didn’t mention his name.”

“Nor did you ask.”

“I didn’t want the poor man to have guilt by association!” she laughed.  _ Dear Gods was she flirting?  _

“Hey, ouch!” he said feigning injury.

Outlining the rules she came up with she said, “I think the tie breaker should be one point for matching the teammate, and another point if you find out their relationship like friends, siblings, etc. I’ll even tell you I’m here with my sister to level the playing field. But you can’t out right ask them because what’s the fun in that!”

“Agreed. But keep in mind I am a lawyer. I can get people to tell me things without them even realizing it.”

“And I am a teacher. I can just give a cheating student a knowing look and they start spilling their guilty little hearts out.” Sansa retorted.

“Good thing for me we’re on a blind dating show!” he chortled. Sansa rolled her eyes.

The chimes sounded indicating the end of the date and Sansa, for only the second time that day, was surprised at how quickly time had passed. Standing up to leave, Sansa called out to her date, “What do I get when I win? A game should have a prize.”

A chuckle of delight was her answer. “The satisfaction of being right isn’t reward enough?” he teased. “What does the lady desire?” 

_ More of that damn voice  _ she thought. “You will read me a book of my choice.” she said a little haughtily. “We have to find some way to spend time while we’re cloistered here.”

“And what do I get when I win?” Tyrion asked.

“Well that’s not going to happen is it?” Sansa responded with a smooth certainty in her tone.

She was once again rewarded by a peel of delighted laughter as she exited the pod. But unlike last time, her heart pounded at the sound as something fluttered inside her stomach.

  
  


_ Yes,  _ she thought.  _ There is most definitely something wrong with me. But honestly what harm can come from a man she’d never see? _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


( _ Stupid, stupid girl.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once again apologize for taking so long to update, but at least this is a really long chapter to make up for it. I could have cut it in two but I promised the long awaited Sansa and Tyrion date! (Hope it wasn't a disappointment!) Oh well Publish or Perish!!
> 
> I promise I do know exactly where this story is going, just bear with me as I find time to write it out.


	5. Chapter 5

Tyrion lay in the bed of his shared trailer with his brother snoring loudly beside him. His arms crossed under his head, he stared blankly at the ceiling above him letting his racing mind wander. Jaime’s snoring didn’t keep him awake although he did envy his ability to sleep just about anywhere. It was partially a natural ability, partially his brother’s time spent in the military. Heartbroken after Cercie had announced her engagement to Robert and with the added benefit of upsetting their father’s fully planned out life for him, Jaime had joined the Army after finishing college. It had been good for him. At least until the roadside IED took out his convoy costing him his hand. Tyrion thanked the gods that was all they took from him as other young men and women had lost their lives. 

What did keep Tyrion awake were the events of the strange day, none of which corresponded to how he had imagined it sitting on his couch a week ago. He had been sucked into the show’s bizarre current and could easily understand as an insider now how you could fall so easily for this absurd concept. All he could do now was fight against the current as best he could, hoping to reach shore before he got swept out to sea.

After the dates, the men had gathered for dinner where much to Tyrion’s surprise the discussion did not turn to the individual ladies they had all dated. He was relieved. Revealing what women you were interested in opened up the other nastier door in this show, the threat of competition. It felt like an armistice dinner before the battle began. Instead the talk was more about careers, family, and their reasons for being on the show (both Jaime and Tyrion sidestepped the latter discussion). Tyrion found he particularly enjoyed the company of both Sam and Podrick who were both highly intelligent and kind. Jaime found camaraderie with his fellow soldiers, Bronn and Daario, and Tyrion found himself laughing at their antics and crude jokes.

Later in what felt like a deliberate move, the crew waited until most of the cast (except the few teetotalers) had an after dinner drink or two in their system before pulling them aside in small batches for confessionals. With the new team concept in play, Jaime and Tyrion were interviewed together at first. Tyrion recounted spending his entire date with Brienne doing damage control for Jaime all the while Jaime fidgeted nervously beside him looking chagrined. Jaime then surprised him by mentioning how he had spent every opportunity to brag about his smart and witty younger brother during his date with Shireen. Tyrion had been a little taken aback. Not because of his brother’s support, but because since his date with Sansa he hadn’t thought of the friendly librarian once. Nor had he thought of the sultry Ros. Instead he had thought of none but Sansa and the game they were playing.

And this was why Tyrion lay awake staring at the dingy ceiling.

* * *

  
  
  


**Confessional Video footage Love is Blind Westeros Season 2 Episode 1**

_Off Screen voice of interviewer: Your date with Sansa took an interesting turn. Can you tell us a little about that?_

_The camera focuses on Tyrion, his eyes weary and tired. His once pressed designer suit is wrinkled with the tie loosened and shirt unbuttoned revealing a slight tuft of chest hair. His relaxed demeanor subtly shifts at Sansa’s name with a widening of the eyes and straightening of the spine as if trying to draw himself to his full height. He smiles and looks off camera acting nonchalant before replying in a cool tone. “She’s an intriguing woman. Clever, very clever and articulate. I see why Jaime likes her.”_

_Interviewer: “But you’re not interested?”_

_Tyrion snorts derisively but doesn’t answer immediately. After a long pause he speaks but addresses the glass of wine in his hand not the camera. “Sansa already believes me to be a liar of the worst kind," he shrugs "which I suppose I am. Besides if there’s anything I’ve learned in my three decades on the planet is that I will never compete with the likes of my brother.” He took a sip of his wine. “Nor do I want to.”_

_Interviewer: “And this game you two devised?”_

_Tyrion shrugs but his eyes dance with mirth “An ingenious way to pass the time and a great way to get to know a potential wife….for Jaime that is.” he said clearing his throat and correcting himself. Suddenly looking uncomfortable he addresses the camera “Are we done here?”_

  
  
  


* * *

For as a petite as Arya was, there was not a single thing small or dainty about her in any other way: her big heart, her zest for life, her snore that rattled like a freight train. Sansa rolled her eyes heavenward and grabbed the earbuds attached to her old MP3 player. (Phones weren’t allowed but they were given this concession for working out and in her case to drown out her sister.)

Exhausted as she was, sleep eluded her as her mind raced in circles. Arya was one of her worries. She had revealed nothing to her yet about why she was unemployed or about the mystery man that rejected her. In truth the unemployment bothered her more. Arya loved her job at Clegane fitness. Her boss, Sandor, was an ex-championship boxer now trainer. They often fought like cats and dogs but Arya often spoke of how much she had learned from and admired him. In turn, her enthusiasm and drive had garnered the gym a whole new clientele of female boxers and kick-boxers to train. It had been a win-win for both of them. Did they have a falling out either professionally or personally? Had Arya finally decided she was going to start her own gym? If it were anybody else but Arya she would just ask. But Arya would just clamp down if Sansa pried, she knew that much about her sister. All she could do was be there when she was finally willing to talk, and wait and worry in the meantime. 

Despite the conversation inevitably turning to their dates during the women’s dinner tonight, Arya hadn’t mentioned much about any men she preferred. Which was not unexpected coming from Arya. But not many of their fellow castmates had said much either beyond general impressions. It was just too soon to start laying claim to favorites although Sansa doubted that would last another night. On the bright side, all of the women had thoroughly trashed Ronnett which was enjoyable. Apparently Sansa’s date had been far from his worst it turned out. He had been abysmal to Brienne when she mentioned her stature in passing and had laughed at Gilly’s business venture. 

So mostly the dinner conversation turned to their various romantic histories and why they had wanted to be cast on the show and what they hoped to gain from this “experiment.” Sansa was deliberately vague in her answers, not mentioning either their last minute casting or that her ex was serving time for domestic battery and assault. She had already decided she would talk about it some on the show for the benefit of other survivors, especially since Jaime had already shared some of his experience. Just not tonight. Sometimes the pity (and often scorn for not reporting the abuse sooner) on others faces was like being beaten by Ramsey all over again.

Stretching like a cat, her long limbs hanging off the cramped cot, she tried to turn her thoughts to the dates tomorrow. There had been a handful of good ones. Pod was sweet, Oberyn was flirty, Bronn made her laugh, and of course there was Jaime. She tried to recall his voice but all she could hear was the sexy deep timbre of Tyrion as he invited her to play a game with him.

She replayed that conversation in her mind. There had to be a rhyme and reason for his actions. It desperately felt like he was trying to make a point but what and why? And why did he want her to figure it out? She already felt at a disadvantage because Tyrion only needed to figure out she was related to Jon and her cousin was both an openbook and terrible at keeping secrets. She figured it was a matter of days until everybody knew. That meant she needed to work fast. But in order to understand his motivation, she probably needed to know a lot more about _him._ Smiling at the thought of another spirited conversation with Tyrion, she started to drift off until the realization hit her that she was more excited about seeing him again than any of the other men.

And alone with that thought, Sansa spent the next hour staring at the ceiling of her trailer.

* * *

  
  
  


**Confessional Video footage Love is Blind Westeros Season 2 Episode 1**

_Interviewer voice: What were you thinking when Tyrion proposed his game to you?_

_Sansa chokes mid-sip on her glass of white wine and raises an eyebrow. “Perhaps propose is not the best word choice to use on a show that ends at the altar?” she said laughing, tossing her river of titian hair behind her bare shoulder, her conservative cardigan long forgotten along with a few inhibitions. Giggling she rolls her eyes “I thought this man was a mad egomaniac. Although with a very sexy voice. And strangely I was actually intrigued by his offer.” Sansa stared a bit pensively at her wine glass as in thought. Snapping out of it as if just remembering she was on camera, she said quickly “Plus once I figured out I had my own little mystery for him to solve, I realized how much fun this could be.” She smiled brightly at the camera trying to appear relaxed and at ease. However her body betrayed her nerves in the way she gripped her wine glass._

_Interviewer: “You seemed very certain you were going to win at the end of your date. What makes you so sure?”_

_Sansa made a face, and sipped a bit of her wine “Honestly, I’m not but I wasn’t about to let Tyrion know that.” She gestured at the cameras indicating the crew. “What do you guys think? Will I win?”_

_Interviewer: “Well you did tell Jaime that one of the guys was your cousin….”_

_“OH ------!!!!_ **_”_ ** _Sansa exclaimed in surprise, covering her mouth as her expletive was bleeped by the censors._

* * *

Groggy from his rather sleepless night, Tyrion woke to an empty trailer. Jaime had no doubt headed to the gym for his early morning workout. _Insanity._ Mornings were for coffee and staring blearily at the news on his phone. ‘ _Shit...no phone’_ , he lamented but was thrilled to see a huge cup of coffee in a to go cup sitting next to a piece of paper. Blessing his early rising sibling, he took several gulps of the still warm beverage until his eyes could focus on the paper. It was a schedule of the day's events. There would be eight morning dates of up to 20 minutes each with free time and ‘confessional/interview’ times interspersed followed by the remaining dates in the afternoon. However after dinner, they were allowed to start scheduling the longer dates that would comprise the rest of the dating portion of the show. Groaning, he saw his first date was with Arya in less than an hour. Looks like he would be working out this morning after all. Scanning the rest of the list, he noted his date with Shireen was right after lunch and somehow Sansa was again the last date of the day. 

He smiled to himself. This had to be deliberate on the producers part. If his interview last night told him anything it was that the production team was interested in their game. Being the last date gave them time to work on figuring out who the teammates were. It also gave him time to work on Sansa’s little mystery. One on which he had a head start because he was sure it had something to do with broody hipster boy, i.e. Jon.

Tyrion entered the living quarters wearing a far more casual outfit consisting of track pants and a Children of the Forest band t-shirt in preparation for his date/work-out with Arya. A few of the guys were present, but neither his brother or Jon was one of them. He helped himself to some fruit and yogurt from the breakfast spread, not wanting anything heavy before doing any sort of exercise. He sat down next to Edd and Sam, who was writing frantically in his notebook with an intense look on his face.

“What are you working on?” he asked in curiosity.

“Do you know that girl Gilly?” Sam replied breathlessly, his eyes shining.

“Of _course_ he does you dolt. We all went on a date with her yesterday.” Edd replied drolly.

“Yes, she was the one that had the hand-made soap business?” Tyrion responded ignoring Edd.

“On our date yesterday she was telling me about her store and I really think she could quadruple her business with a proper website and some presence on social media maybe with a beauty blogger or Instagram influencer. I was just jotting down some ideas.” he said excitedly.

“He’s writing her a full business plan.” Edd said with an eye roll “and if he had a computer I’m sure the website would be half built by now.” 

Sam blushed furiously before stammering “I just think she has a great product with a lot of potential.”

“He really means he’s sweet on her.” Edd responded with a half smile and a shake of his head.

Sam’s face was crimson and he was starting to sweat. Tyrion responded “If you are interested in her, I think a business plan is a much better gift than flowers. Just be sure you’re only offering assistance with her dream, not trying to take over. It’s her baby.”

Sam bobbed his head in nervous agreement. 

“Good luck and please let me know how it goes.” Tyrion said clapping him on the back.

Tyrion was just about to leave in search of his brother when Jon stumbled in half asleep wearing low hung pajama bottoms and a tight white t-shirt. His long curly hair was loose and down to his shoulders. Tyrion raked a hand through his own hair self consciously. He had been complimented by more than one woman on his golden curls but Jon’s belonged in a shampoo commercial. Too bad for the ladies (and some gents) of Westeros he kept it up in that man bun most of the time.

Deciding to seize the opportunity at hand, Tyrion shoved the chair out next to him casually inviting Jon to sit with him, Sam, and Edd. They talked of nothing of consequence except some additional light teasing of Sam’s obvious crush on Gilly. Under the broodiness, Jon was an intelligent, thoughtful, but quiet man. However, sensing their morning free time coming to an end, Tyrion began his circumspect questioning of Jon (whose company he was genuinely starting to enjoy, but there _was_ a game to be won after all).

“I’m really not sure how they rearranged the date order today.” Tyrion said, trying to sound perplexed.

“I’m sure they just plugged it into a random algorithm generator.” Sam piped up helpfully from his scribbling. Edd rolled his eyes in a bemused manner while Tyrion carried on ignoring Sam.

“For instance, my first date yesterday was with Shireen but now I don’t see her again until after lunch. While my first date today is with Arya,” Jon’s facial expression shifted at the mention of Arya’s name ( _a fact that Tyrion found very interesting and would be sure to file away and reflect upon later) “_ and she was one of my afternoon dates yesterday. How about you Jon?” He glanced at Jon’s schedule sitting on the table next to him. “Your first date today is with Missandei. When did you see her yesterday?”

“Isn’t it funny that we still use the term ‘see’ even though we aren’t actually seeing anybody?” interjected Sam with a chortle. “Shouldn’t it be ‘hear’? When did you ‘hear’ Missandei yesterday is more appropriate?”

“Yes,” Tyrion said patiently in reply to Sam’s quip trying not to let his line of questioning be derailed. “I suppose you are technically correct.” He turned back to Jon. “As I was saying, when was your date with her yesterday?”

Jon shrugged “Sometime in the morning, I think.”

“And who was your first date yesterday?” Tyrion asked casually, finally making his way to the information he sought. He was certain that Jon was one part of the “who” that Sansa had referenced.

“My first date? Err..I think it was Sansa?” Jon said in a strange strangled voice before abruptly jumping up and grabbing his schedule. “Sorry guys, gotta go change. See you later.”

“Of course!” Tyrion said in a pleasant voice that did nothing to belay his excitement at knowing that Jon and Sansa’s date was the source of all that hubbub yesterday morning. Which totally explained why she knew ‘exactly’ what happened. The “who” in Sansa’s mystery had been easier to suss out than he thought. Now the question was _“What the hell happened?_ ”

He wasn’t sure what the answer was, but he smiled wickedly knowing that he was well on his way to winning. He leaned back in his chair placing his hands on top of his head in satisfaction. Guess it was time to think about what he wanted from Sansa when he won this little game of theirs.

His smile faltered at the thought. The longer the game continued, the more time he’d get to spend with Sansa. While being an Audible narrator if Sansa won held some appeal, it wouldn’t be the same as the quick witted give and take they had last night. And he needed to talk with her. How else would he know if she was right for his brother? This was for him after all.

  
  
  
  
  


( _He had always been an excellent liar. Even to himself._ )

  
  
  
  
  


A dull ache coursed through his body. Suddenly winning didn’t sound so great anymore.

  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still here, still alive, still love everything Sanrion, and trying my best to work on this story!


	6. Chapter 6

A little over half the women had gathered in the dining area for breakfast when Sansa arrived with less than an hour until the first date of the day. Sansa pulled out her rumpled schedule, (Honestly, she had been lucky to find it underneath the detritus of Arya’s clothes which were already somehow scattered everywhere in their small trailer) smoothing it after it had been trod on unceremoniously by Arya, and read it once more. 

Her first date of the day was with Sam, which she hoped was a very good thing for her game with Tyrion. The brief interaction with him yesterday proved him to be a nervous talker who would chatter endlessly (and with genuine knowledge) on any subject. She imagined it would be easy to turn the subject to their fellow castmates in a conversational matter and he would be a font of information on the other guys. She felt a vague sense of guilt using their date like that, but she already could sense Sam, while sweet, was not the guy for her. After dozens of teenagers all day, she preferred a more quiet home life and Sam’s talkativeness would drive her crazy. In turn, she promised herself that if Jon vouched for him as a decent man, she would help him with any of the girls he liked.

Speaking of Jon, she saw him before lunch, Jaime right after lunch, and Tyrion once again at the end of the day. She smirked. That  _ had  _ to be deliberate. With the questions the crew were asking about their little bet during the interview yesterday, they were as invested as she was in the outcome.

With Arya still in the shower after her vigorous morning workout, Sansa gathered her breakfast and turned to see who she could sit with. Spotting Ros and Doreah she decided to start her investigation of Tyrion’s question with one of the women that prompted it.

Sansa wrangled herself in invitation to sit with a passing complement of Doreah’s stunning and expensive designer heels. From there the women chatted about shopping, makeup, and generally all the girly stuff Sansa loved and Arya hated. (The normal Arya--not the sex kitten that had been on set yesterday!) The topic briefly forayed into Sansa’s interest in Ros’s career in social work. Sadly, teachers were often the ones to report child abuse and anything she could learn from Ros to help her kids would be useful.

Doreah on the other hand, sighed in exasperation. “Enough of this depressing stuff! Let’s talk about the men!” she said with excitement. “For some reason nobody wanted to say anything last night, and it was so weird! We’re on a dating show for Gods’ sake, how can we NOT talk about the guys!!”

Sansa laughed recognizing her opening. “Too true! Is there anyone in particular you want to talk about?”

“She has many favorites.” Ros said with an indulgent smile. “And since she made sure to tell them what she did for a living immediately, I’m sure she’ll get plenty of dates to narrow it down.”

“I just wanted to let them know that I got a rockin’ bod and am not afraid to own my sexuality. I would want the same in a husband.” she huffed. “I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

“But if we’re on a blind dating show, how will you know if they do have a “rockin’ bod”?” inquired Sansa.

“Well, you just have to ask them!” Doreah explained.

“You asked the guys what they looked like?” Sansa asked wide eyed as the beginning of an idea began to form in her mind.

“It’s not  _ against  _ the rules you know.” Doreah replied.

“But totally against the spirit of the show.” Ros replied with a disapproving look.

“Plus, how do you know if the guy is lying or not?” added Sansa.

A stricken look crossed Doreah’s face at Sansa’s comment. “Why would they lie?”

“Why do men do anything?” Ros shrugged with a cool smile.

A look of dismay crossed her face before Doreah buried her head in her hands lamenting, “I knew I should have applied for  _ The Bachelor!” _

* * *

“How do you feel? Any pain in your hips or knees?” Arya asked Tyrion with a professional concern about an hour later.

Tyrion had been more than impressed by her preparation. He had thought she’d just describe the moves as best she could and maybe he’d just get a taste of yoga. But no, this woman was intense. She had demanded that one of the PAs allow them use of a laptop so he could see diagrams of the various positions she would lead him through insisting that it was necessary to avoid injury. He had laughed internally at her efforts. Wasn’t yoga just a fancy name for stretching?

Laying there calm, thoughtful, and thoroughly worn out he could honestly say he was wrong. He had only ever found this level of peace after fucking, and well that had been awhile. He had become rather monk-like after Shae.

“No, I feel good. Great in fact.” He drank some water. “You’re really good at this.”

“Thank you.” she said demurely. “And thank you for making me laugh even though you were supposed to be quiet during the session. My sister often tells me I take myself way too seriously.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being professional, but we are on a date after all. I’d hate not to put any effort into it, even if it meant disrupting your yoga teacher vibe.”

“I suppose.” Arya said.

“Suppose?” Tyrion asked with a question in his voice.

Arya sighed, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m really not interested.”

Tyrion laughed good naturedly “Is there a right way to take that?” He wasn’t put off at all, he knew exactly how she felt as he felt the same.

“It’s not you or should I say it’s not  _ just  _ you? I…” he could hear a waiver in her voice “I’m not sure I should be here.” she said in a long exhale.

“There must have been a reason you applied.” Tyrion said gently.

“I didn’t apply. My being here is a result of coercion with a dollop of early-life crisis.” Arya said glumly. Tyrion couldn’t help but chuckle and was relieved when Arya joined in.

“My brother and I are also here as a result of a favor owed so I understand how you feel. But if you would like to share anymore about your early-life crisis, I would be happy to listen.” he paused. “As a friend of course.”

“Friend?” Arya said as if mulling over the strange word. “Yes, I would like that.”

“Then I shall propose to you..” he paused dramatically as she snorted “that we meet the first time slot of the day everyday until we leave these strange dystopian pods.”

“For yoga?”

“If you want, but I do like you Arya and don’t want to use you just for your excellent personal training abilities.” he said sincerely. “But to talk too.”

“As your friend and as a trainer I insist we do the yoga then. I’ll be worried for your joints if you don’t.” Tyrion was strangely touched by her concern. “But I may have some questions about setting up my own business that a big shot corporate lawyer may be able to answer?”

“I’d be happy to help.” Tyrion smiled genuinely.

* * *

  
  


Sansa’s prediction about Sam had been more than spot on. All she had asked is what his thoughts were about the team concept for this season’s show and he was off like a rocket. Sam explained how he was interested in the dynamics of the teams and how it would relate towards any competition for a mate. He thought it would be an interesting psychological study. Who would be most likely to squabble over a love interest? Siblings? Friends? He mentioned that there were three teams of men that were business partners including himself and Edd ( _ Score! Sansa thought to herself pumping her fist. One down! But how in the world was chipper, cheerful Sam and the glum, serious Edd a pair??)  _ and he pondered if the monetary implications of a falling out between people that share a livelihood would belay any rivalry. 

“So is your theory that money might be more of a reason to not to compete for a mate than sibling rivalry?” Sansa asked.

“Unfortunately, my data set at least for the men only has two pairs of related men and only one set of them are brothers. I believe the other two are actually uncle and nephew.” Sam explained.

Keeping calm and happily scribbling that information in her notebook Sansa grinned before adding, “The women’s cast has far more related teams so maybe I can contribute to your data. We have three sets of sisters and a pair of cousins. However, I think at most we have one set of what I’d call business partners. I think it’s more of an assistant/boss relationship.”

“A power dynamic. Interesting.” Sam mused before clearing his throat. “I know that Gilly runs her own business. Is she the one with the assistant?”

Still occupied by her note taking, Sansa absently responded “Oh no, I was speaking of Daenerys and Missandei. Gilly is here with her friend Ygritte.”

“Oh, that’s good to know.” Sam said a bit too excitedly. Sansa’s head whipped up at the sound and she started silently laughing. Any guilt she felt about fishing for information from him evaporated. Clearly Sam had been on a mission of his own and it concerned that sweet girl from the North.

* * *

  
  


If it weren’t for the game that Tyrion was playing with Sansa, the rest of the morning’s dates would have been an exercise in tedium. However, having a secretive agenda made it far, far more entertaining. And Sansa was right, getting them to tell him what he wanted to know without asking out right was half the fun. 

By lunchtime he had figured out by their twin accents and casual remarks that Obara and Tyene were half-sisters. He also learned that Myrcella was here with her cousin (and was very interested in an internship), Walda was here with her sister Rosalin, and after a slip of the tongue, that Missandei was here with her boss. It was fascinating to him that the relationships were becoming easier to suss out than actual names. 

Once again he found himself joining Sam’s table this time along with Podrick. The lunches and dates were staggered so the crew could film interviews as well so Jaime was once again absent. Tyrion wondered how his dates were going. Had he met with Sansa again? Was he charming her with his stories and easy laugh? Was she confiding in him about her past history? Who had hurt her? Tyrion was surprised at how angry he felt about somebody hurting her as Cercei had hurt his brother.

With once again his mind occupied with Sansa, he really wasn’t paying attention to the largely one sided conversation that Sam and Podrick were having until he heard “and the women have three pairs of sisters and a set of cousins.”

“I’m sorry, what did you just say Sam?”

“I was saying that one of the women and I were discussing the possible psychology of the team concept in this “experiment” and we were comparing the men’s and women’s teams dynamics. I shared with her that we have a lot of business partners and not as many related individuals on the men’s side.”

“Which woman was this?”

“Oh, Sansa. She’s really nice and smart by the way.” he blushed. “I feel a little bad though. I was interested in our discussion but I also used it as a way to find out who’s Gilly's partner so I can make a good impression. Is that bad to do on a date with another girl?”

While Podrick assured Sam that he shouldn’t feel guilty, Tyrion tried hard to keep a straight face.

_ ‘Oh Sansa, you clever, clever girl.’  _ Tyrion thought warmly, ‘ _ The game is truly afoot! _ ’

* * *

  
  
Sansa spent the first ten minutes of her lunch break alone going through her notebook furiously. She was missing something, she just knew and it had been eating at her all morning like a scratch she couldn’t itch. Tyrion was here with his brother and after her conversation with Sam she knew there were only one set of brothers. She could swear on her life that somebody had offhandedly mentioned they were here with their brother yesterday, but who?

Distracted as she was, Arya startled her when she plopped down beside her. Sansa was relieved to see her looking more herself in leggings with a tank top and a loose fitting tunic over it. If possible she looked even more attractive with her lithe and toned body making Sansa a little more self-conscious of her own. 

“What are you up too?” Arya said looking over her shoulder.

“Just taking some notes.” Sansa said before quickly changing the subject and closing her notebook. For some reason she just wasn’t ready to share her “game” with Tyrion yet. Changing the subject she said “I just received our marching orders from our dear cousin.” she said quietly.

“I’m totally gonna pay for that prank on him yesterday, aren’t I?” Arya lamented.

“He’s so clueless you know you would have helped him anyway.” Sansa retorted.

“Too true.” Arya said with a sigh. “So who’s our perspective bride-to-bes?”

“So far he has interest in Margaery, Daenerys, and Ygritte.”

Arya muffled a laugh.

“What?” Sansa asked.

“The man has a type! Or didn’t you notice he picked the three most brash and authoritative women here.” Arya explained.

“Like Aunt Lyanna!” Sansa exclaimed laughing. Arya’s eyes widened in abject horror, before she joined her sister in a fit of laughter. 

After lunch, with Gilly (who may have made one or two comments about Sam) and Ygritte (who became Arya’s new woman crush after an intense discussion of archery), Sansa was surprised to find Arya giving her a hug in a rare show of affection.

“What was that for?” Sansa said.

“It’s just nice to see you laugh again.” Arya said. “For these last few years...both before and after…” Arya eyed the cameras with meaning and Sansa nodded giving her approval. “After that bastard,” she said with venom in her voice, “you lost your joy and I’m just happy to see that part of you again.”

Brushing her little sister’s hair out of her eyes and hugging her tightly, Sansa nodded trying not to cry. “And if you ever want to talk about what’s going on with you, I’m here you know.” 

“I know Sansa.” Arya whispered in a small voice. “Now let me go, I can’t breathe.”

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


“I have gossip!” Jaime said excitedly as soon as he entered the pod for their post lunch date.

Sansa’s heart beat faster. Did he hear about Jon or her game with Tyrion?

“Ronnett is gone--ett!” he said in a pleased sing-song tone.

“Gone? We’re not even done with the second set of dates yet? How is that possible?” Sansa asked although she was relieved she didn’t have to meet with him that afternoon.

“The man was in a rage at lunch. Apparently he’s not much of a fan of the cancel culture raining down on him from the women’s side and is saying nasty things to the women as they walk out on him.”

“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.” Sansa said.

“My date was with Brienne right before lunch and she tried to hide it, but I could tell she was really upset. He must have said something truly terrible to her. I can’t believe he’d say something that cruel to somebody so sweet...” he trailed off with true concern and compassion in his voice. He paused as if remembering he was on a date with a different woman than the one he was talking about it. “Plus I remember what he said to you, but I think you were more incredulous than hurt by his comments.”

“Sounds like he’s lashing out.” Sansa said, feeling a strange tightness in her chest at the sound of Jaime speaking so softly about another woman. Although, she couldn’t truly call the emotion jealousy. If felt so much more like  _ envy. _

“Oh he definitely is! I was so upset by the way he treated Br--” He cleared his throat “all of the women that I confronted him at lunch. He took umbrage at my words and decided to take a swing at me.”

“Were you hurt?” Sansa asked in concern.

“He only injured himself with a wild punch and then was tackled by Bronn and Daario. Kind of stupid to attack somebody next to former soldiers who run their own security company.” Jaime joked. Sansa grinned, but not at his joke but at gaining another point in her game with Tyrion. “Anyway he was ejected immediately by the producers because of the no tolerance policy.”

“Aren’t you quite the white knight?” Sansa said in jest trying badly to sound flirty.

“I always did want to be a knight.” Jaime said softly before laughing. “Although I’m sure if you ask my brother he’ll say the punch had less to do with any chivalry on my end and more to do with my very punchable face. I’m sure I’ll get an earful from Tyrion later this afternoon.”

At the sound of Tyrion’s name, electricity ran down Sansa’s spine. ( _ “I came here with my actual brother.” Jaime had said on their first date.)  _ It was all so terribly clear now.

  
  


As the realization hit her that the two men she was the most interested in were bonded by blood, she slumped on the floor burying her face in a throw pillow. 

  
  


“ _ You have got to be f----- kidding me, _ ” Sansa’s muffled voice bemoaned.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not completely happy with this chapter (I want Sanrion interaction too!) but I need to keep the narrative moving so I can get to the latter half of this story I'm dying to write. (It's gonna be sooooooo angsty and then soooo sweet.)
> 
> I have a book recommendation for all of my GOT fanfic friends! Check out "Spoiler Alert" by Olivia Dade. It's a book about two shippers/writers of fanfic with an OTP that suspeciously looks like Braime, an author that clearly loathes D&D and bashes them endlessly, and of course a romance with a plus sized heroine. I LOVED all the inside jokes and I'm sure you all will too!


	7. Chapter 7

It was well into the afternoon when Tyrion finally saw his brother. The rumors of course about Jaime’s encounter with Ronnett and his subsequent exit was told to him with no small amount of glee by Bronn who played up his role in the ordeal. With the exception of Hyle, who was smart enough to be keeping his mouth firmly shut, (Tyrion suspected this was not the first time Ronnett had done something like this) none of the men were sad to hear of his exit.

Jaime had his artificial hand off and was rubbing the stump absentmindedly, a sign to those that knew him that he was feeling stressed. Tyrion joined him on the couch, placing the hand in his lap and with a pointed look at his stump asked with concern, “I heard what happened. Are you OK?”

“Yeah.” Jaime said. “I blocked my face with my titanium hand there and the idiot bashed his fist into it. Jarred my stump, but I’m pretty sure he broke his hand in the process.”

“What did the medics say?” Tyrion asked as he gently rolled up Jaime’s sleeve. In the months following Jaime’s discharge from the Army, it had been him that had taken Jaime to PT and his doctors appointments as well as rebandaging his stump until Jaime could do it himself. Tyrion was relieved it didn’t look any worse for the wear.

“It’s fine.” Jaime said, pulling his arm away like a petulant child. The man hated to be fussed over, but it was Tyrion’s job as far as he was concerned. Gods know their father or Cersei wasn’t going to do it.

“It may be fine. But I’m not sure you are.” Tyrion said in concern. “Did something else happen? Because I doubt you’re this upset about sending that asshole packing.”

“He sent himself packing.” Jaime said in a huff. “I just told him what I thought of the way he treated the women. I had just finished my date with Brienne and while she tried not to show it, I could tell she was upset and not at me for once.” he said ruefully.

“I take it she accepted your apology for yesterday’s date?” Tyrion said.

A smile lit up his face as he nodded an affirmation. “I really like her. We started over and without C... a certain person messing with my mind, I really could sense how kind and sweet she is, but also honorable and brave. Much like the Blue Knight herself, she’s faced discrimination from some of the male reenactors but doesn’t bring herself down to their level.”

“So nothing like your ex at all.” Tyrion quipped.

“Exactly.” Jaime said. “Everything was going great. We were discussing how heavy the armour was and I mentioned that she must be in remarkable shape to fight in it.” He paused and a flicker of anger crossed his face. “All of the sudden she got really quiet, and tells me in a blunt tone that she’s taller and stronger than most of the male reenactors and if that’s a problem for me that we should just end the date now rather than endure any slights as she had on her previous date with that bastard Ronnett.” He fidgeted some more with his stump as his eyes grew steely and then soft again at the memory. “I admit I was slow to react. I was just flabbergasted at the abrupt turn of the conversation. She started to leave, taking my silence as proof of censure, when I found my tongue and assured her I had no problem with a woman I could look at in the eye. I then asked her to be honest and do the same if she had a problem dating a man with only one hand.”

“You told her? Already?” Tyrion said incedulously. He must really like this woman.

“I did. She just seems like a woman that values honesty above artifice.” Jaime smiled, “She said that it wasn’t a problem for her and reminded me of what she did for a living. That she was used to working with people with disabilities and that she had helped many patients who had artificial limbs.”

“Did you tell her how you lost it?” 

“Not yet.” Tyrion didn’t bother to ask why. Nine months after the bombing, Jaime’s former commanding officer had tracked him down at Tyrion’s apartment and presented him with a purple heart medal. When Tyrion arrived home after work that day, he found Jaime surrounded by an empty case of beer bottles and an empty bottle of prescription painkillers. Later at the hospital after Jaime’s stomach had been pumped, Tyrion learned the phrase “Survivor’s guilt.” Jaime had been in counselling ever since. 

“Did you also tell her that you were an underwear model?” Tyrion teased trying to lighten the mood.

“It wasn’t underwear, it was swimsuits. And it was a charity calendar with the proceeds going to the Westerosi Wounded Warrior Project.” Jaime said. Becoming active with other wounded veterans had been a big part of his recovery. 

“It was a Speedo for heaven’s sake Jaime, and if I were you I would be advertising that all over the place. I swear to the Gods it was June in your assistant Pia’s office for six months.” Tyrion said with a laugh as Jaime blushed.

“So if everything went well with Brienne, and it’s not the fight with that ginger asshat, what’s eating you? And I know something’s bothering you so don’t deny it.”

“I just had my date with Sansa, and I guess it didn’t go well?” he sighed with a perplexed look on his face. “I thought we really connected yesterday and today….I don’t know..it was just flat? Like yesterday didn’t happen. I can’t even describe it. I’ve been going over and over it in my head.” He hung his head, lacing his fingers together at the back. “I’m just afraid I did something awful, and I’m too dumb to figure out what it is!”

“You’re not dumb Jaime and you are far from the first man to piss off a woman your dating and have no idea what you’ve done. Tell me exactly what happened. Maybe a new perspective will point out the problem.” Tyrion said trying to be helpful while a larger and guilty part of him just wanted to learn all he could about Sansa.

“I told her about the fight with Ronnett. That he was super pissed that the women were freezing him out. I told her that he had been a complete dick to Brienne.”

“So you mentioned another woman on your date? Smooth. I’d say that’s strike one.”

“I was trying to show how gallant I was, plus I covered that quickly by mentioning how I knew he had treated her.” he said defensively. 

“Yeah I’m sure that slipped right past her.” Tyrion said sarcastically. “Then what happened?”

“I told her that Daario and Bronn grabbed him and that Ronnett was ejected. She called me a white knight in that sexy little voice of hers.” Tyrion’s stomach clenched at the gleam in Jaime’s eye with that comment.

“And then….”

“It all kind of went downhill after that. She got really quiet before changing subjects. We talked about our jobs, and her family a little but whatever that connection was yesterday...it was gone.” He noticed some other men filtering into the room, taking his hand back from Tyrion and strapping it in place. “Was it because I mentioned Brienne? I mean we are all here dating other people.”

“Do you remember anything else before things started going sideways?”

Jaime furrowed his brow in thought. “I said that you’d give me an earful this afternoon about how I had a punchable face.” Tyrion’s heart stopped. She knew. Jaime blathered on although Tyrion only half listened. 

Tyrion interrupted “I’m sure it was the Brienne thing. Maybe don’t mention other women on your dates if you are really into either of them.” He was about 90% sure Sansa’s distance wasn't a result of Jaime’s regard for Brienne but it was still pertinent advice.

No, Tyrion was pretty sure it was figuring out that he was Jaime’s brother. But why? Was it because of their game? She now knew his partner while he was still in the dark of who her sister was. Or was it because she now was serious about her “guilt by association” comment from the night before? ( _ “Or perhaps it was because her interest in your game and maybe even you put a damper on dating Jaime?” whispered the impish part of his conscience. “Dating brothers simultaneously can only lead to disaster.”) _

‘Nonsense’ he told himself. It had to be because she was judging Jaime based on his behavior. He’d make sure to straighten that out later on the date. After all wasn’t he doing this all for him?

_ (The little imp laughed at his attempt at self delusion _ .)

  
  


* * *

The rest of the afternoon had been a blur for Sansa. She felt like she was only half present for her remaining dates as the knowledge of Jaime and Tyrion being brothers churned in her brain. It was only because Tormund was so gregarious (and Jon can’t keep his mouth shut), that she found out any more partners for the game. When his  _ poor  _ attempts at flirting with her went nowhere, Tormund gave up and started pestering her for stories about “his little crow.” She also learned a story or two herself to embarrass Jon with later. (The one where Tormund stole his clothes while he was in a hot spring with one of the more attractive tourists made her laugh for a few minutes. You’d think the boy would learn by now that he should not bathe outside!!)

Adding it up, during a break she realized she had half the matches figured out (Sam/Edd, Daario/Bronn, Jaime/Tyrion, and Jon/Tormund). That wasn’t bad. But what about the greater mystery? She didn’t think she was any closer to solving that. Plus, she was pretty sure that answer was to be found talking to Tyrion, not from the women he lied too. If she had been smart and a bit more clear headed, maybe she could have gained some insight from Jaime on Tyrion’s motivations.

The thought gave her pause. She’d rather spend time with the one guy she was pretty interested in talking about his brother? Even if his brother was the one of the two that had gotten under her skin. If she were smart, she would stop this nonsense now. Tyrion and this game were a distraction. Although she rationalized, since when was she here to actually look for love? This was a lark, a favor for her family. Nothing more than a fun anecdote for friends of reentering the dating pool in such a ludicrous fashion. If for some reason she was more drawn to Tyrion what was the harm in exploring it?

She had lost so much control in her relationship with Ramsey. He had taken all her freewill from her by inches, and she had let him. She didn’t know why she thought love was giving up herself to become part of a couple. Ramsey certainly hadn’t. This is why during her recovery she had become so tightly wound as Arya often told her. Her routines, her autonomy and agency over her choices, the thick walls she had built around herself were all a result of having no control for so long. But that was no way to live either. Balance was still something she sought because too much control, even of her own doing, was at the expense of her freedom.

And she was going to start by allowing herself to explore the strange feelings elicited in her by the enigmatic Tyrion.

* * *

  
  


“How are you doing this fine afternoon Sansa? At least, I assume it’s fine after being locked in these pods for hours. I may have rickets by the time this whole thing is over.” Tyrion said in a tone that aimed for the same flirty discourse as the day before but was in fact far more subdued. While Sansa couldn’t help her body’s visceral reaction to his velvet voice (and did her best to mask the shiver that raced down her spine for the cameras), she couldn’t help but wonder what caused the change.

“I’m doing well, and it is a fine day. The producers  _ do  _ let you outside to stretch your legs. I took a lovely walk earlier as one of my afternoon dates was ejected leaving me with some free time.”

Tyrion gave a slight chuckle. “I expect the sigh of relief is even more audible on your side of the pods than on ours about  _ that  _ sudden departure. As for stretching my legs, I’m rather sore after my yoga session this morning.”

“Morning workout? I can’t even begin to understand that madness. I prefer to spend my mornings with tea and toast reading a chapter of my book on my patio.”

Tyrion barked out a strangled laugh, “If you change the beverage to coffee and the location to my bed, I couldn’t agree with you more.” Sansa felt a flutter through her loins as the thought of this man in bed seared her brain. Gods she was acting like a foolish, twit of a girl. “However my yoga instructor and I have a standing date for the duration of our time here for the first slot of the morning so perhaps I will change my tune.”

_ Yoga instructor??  _ “A standing date already? You work fast, what did you tell this one you looked like?” Sansa replied trying to sound amused but even she could hear the edge in her voice. She told herself it was his anger at his lies that was the cause of that edge, ( _ What else could it be? Jealousy? How absurd! _ )

Tyrion demurred, “A gentleman doesn’t divulge the details of his dates with other women.” He paused for a beat before continuing “Although on a dating show such as this, it is almost impossible to  _ not  _ mention the other people we are seeing.”

“True.” Sansa said, a bit perplexed at the turn in conversation.

“So Jaime mentioning Brienne was not the reason your date with him didn’t go as well as yesterday?” Tyrion inquired and Sansa got a glimpse of the hard hitting lawyer inside him.

The question stunned Sansa into silence. This date was giving her whiplash. When she didn’t formulate a reply right away, Tyrion sighed impatiently “I know you know Sansa.”

“What do you think I know?” Sansa said in a quiet voice.

“Sansa...” he sighed, sounding exasperated. “Please, this is more important than our little wager.”

“Fine, I know that Jaime is your brother.” she stated plainly, hiding the turmoil this information had caused her. 

“What you don’t know is that Jaime is the best man I know. He’s my big brother, my childhood hero and protector. The only real family I have and the person I care for the most in this world. He can be stubborn and misguided for sure, but he has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. He’s loyal, charming, and clever, not so much in a bookish way, school was never his strong suit. But with people, as a leader, he has an unmatched brilliance which I’m sure will lead to the growth of our company in ways our father could have never dreamed.”

Jaime had mentioned something about managing his family’s business after his father’s death, but if Tyrion worked for the same company and was a corporate lawyer it probably meant the business was much larger than she initially thought. She kept that little revelation to herself. For some reason Tyrion was feeling defensive of his brother, and she was afraid any questions regarding their business may be misconstrued as gold digging in his current mindset.

“I just don’t want you to judge Jaime based on what you may think of me. He’s so much of a better man than I am.” he pleaded.

“Is that what you think happened between me and Jaime? That I truly would condemn him because he is your brother? Gods Tyrion, what I said yesterday was a joke.” Sansa sighed, rubbing her forehead trying to figure out how it got so serious in these pods so quickly. “Will you please trust me if I assure you that’s not the case?”

“I will.” 

“And that it’s not Brienne or any other woman?” 

“Yes.”

“Tyrion, I’m not sure what all Jaime may have mentioned to you but I haven’t dated in  _ years _ . My last relationship played out like a tragic  _ Lifetime  _ movie and my ex is now behind bars. I have  _ no  _ idea what I’m doing.” She paused gathering her thoughts and a bit of courage. “Between good dates and bad dates, and worrying about my sister...it’s just been a lot to process in a short amount of time. So when you came along with your ridiculous game, it was a relief to have something else, something fun to think about. And yes it threw me a bit when I found out the two dates I enjoyed the most were brothers. I'm not going to lie."

“You enjoyed our date? I thought you loathed me.” Sansa was a little taken aback by the statement. She had gone into their first date expecting to dislike him, but that wasn’t the case.

“I admit it was the strangest date I’ve ever been on, but no I don’t l _ oathe _ you Tyrion. I don’t know you well enough for that.” she teased.

“That’s never stopped anyone before.” he murmured almost to himself.

“Well, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt Tyrion. I don’t think you're a bad person based on what you said about Jaime. It is obvious that you care for him a great deal. Also he credits you with helping him finally break off the toxic relationship he mentioned to me.” 

“He did?” Tyrion sounded baffled. 

Sansa continued although she couldn’t help but smile. This poor man sounded so befuddled and it was kind of...adorable. She clearly had him off his game. Speaking of which, “It’s true that I came into our date yesterday expecting a completely different guy than what I got. But I’m glad. I still don’t know why you were describing yourself differently to those women but I’m not going to judge your entire character based on that especially because there is apparently a reason behind that I have  _ yet  _ to figure out. But I will!”

Tyrion chortled and the sound waves vibrated through the speakers. “I haven’t figured out your mystery either Sansa, but I think I’m on the right track.” he said in a conspiratorial voice.

“Hmmm, how do I know you’re not bluffing?” she said, definitely flirting this time.

“You don’t.” he said and she could practically hear him winking. “As for the other part of the game, I only know the two other sister sets Obara and Tyene and Walda and Roslin. Which leaves just you and your sister as the last of the three sets of sisters. Don’t think dragging Sam into this, which was  _ exceeding _ clever Sansa and I’m upset I didn’t think of it sooner, isn’t going to cut both ways!!!”

Sansa couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her at that. She then told Tyrion the four male teams she had Bronn/Daario, Jon/Tormund, Sam/Edd, and of course him and Jaime. “Honestly you can’t blame Sam for more than one of those, Jaime spilled the beans on two of them! As for Sam he doesn’t seem too upset by the whole thing since he used it to get more information on Gilly!”

“He is a smitten kitten. I bet you he proposes to her by the end of the day tomorrow.”

“I don’t know, that seems  _ really _ soon.”

“He wrote the woman a business plan. Tomorrow. Take or leave the side wager Sansa.” he teased.

“What do I win if you’re wrong?”

“As a certain woman once told me ‘Well that’s not gonna happen is it?” he mocked in a falsetto voice. 

Sansa laughed. “Fine. Fair enough. What do you want?”

“Poetry” he stated simply.

“Poetry? Anything in particular? Are you partial to dirty limericks or haikus?”

“ _ Lovely woman’s voice / Reads me poems she enjoys / Happy man am I _ ”

“You're incorrigible. I don’t know how Jaime puts up with you.”

“He’s just as bad as I am and I’d be happy to tell you all about it.”

“I’m listening.” Sansa said with a coy smile on her face.

* * *

  
  


**Producer Interview Love is Blind Westeros Season 2 Episode 2**

_ Off Screen Interviewer: “Love is Blind became a huge hit last year in it’s debut season under the helm of Petyr Baelish. What do you think that you are contributing as his new producing partner?” _

_ Varys gives a slow devious smile. “A new perspective of course, as well as some new twists and turns. Just look at any long running reality show. They are always coming up with new ideas, new rules, new locals. My job as a producer is to keep the audience interested so the idea doesn’t grow stale. I also think it keeps the participants from becoming too complacent.” _

_ Interviewer: “Like the team concept.” _

_ “Exactly.” Varys agreed. “Also, the whole production team made an effort to cast a more diverse group of individuals this year.” _

_ Interviewer: “There was a lot of criticism of the first season’s casting in that regard.” _

_ “Yes. But we have learned from the mistakes of our past and with the success of the show were able to cast a wider net for participants.” _

_ Interviewer: “But that wasn’t the only surprise you had in store. For instance in tonight's episode you decided to not signal the end of the last dates. Was that planned from the beginning?” _

_ Varys preened for the camera. “It was an idea I had considered but had rather forgotten. I was very curious to see how long the dates would go without the time limit. I was watching the live footage of the last dates and nobody had ended the date early, and they were generally enjoying themselves so I decided why not let them keep going?” _

_ Interviewer: “And as our viewers can see they did keep it going for the most part. The first date ended about 10 minutes or so after the time was supposed to be up.” _

_ (Time lapse footage plays of the pods emptying one by one as a timer runs. Most of the cast leaves by the hour mark, a few more ten to fifteen minutes after that.) _

_ Voice Over: “But there was one date that lasted THREE hours past the limit.” _

_ (Video footage plays of Tyrion and Sansa talking animatedly and laughing seemingly unaware of the passage of time.) _

_ “I don’t know about you but I found the results fascinating.” Varys intoned smugly. _

  
  
  


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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my dear friends for the brief hiatus. I was blocked for a time but my new WIP shook the cobwebs loose on this one. 
> 
> I promise I know exactly where this fic is going, I just need to get to an important part in the plot and the chapters will flow much quicker. Getting there is the battle right now. 
> 
> Please let me know if you're still out there!!

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback please...........
> 
> I love my fellow Sanrion fans and would love to hear from you!
> 
> Foxy


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